佐伊! Zoe!
-阿伊莎阿姨。-很高兴见到你，佐伊。 - Aunty Aisha. - Lovely to see you, Zoe.
你看起来精神很好。 You're looking fresh.
——哦。原谅我。对不起。 - Oh. Excuse me. Sorry.
你好。不，不，我能说话。 Hello. No, no, I can talk.
她总是走! She's always going!
哦。哦,对了。嗯… Oh. Oh, right. Um...
嗯，我能进来和你讨论一下吗? Well, can I come in and discuss this with you?
我有别的想法。 I have other ideas.
太好了。好吧,再见。 That's great. Okay, goodbye.
好久不见， Long time no see,
获奖纪录片制作人。 Miss award winning documentary maker.
请给我签个名好吗? Can I have your autograph, please?
Kaz。 Kaz.
你在上面干什么? What are you doing up there?
-一如既往。卑鄙的ciggy。——哦。 - Same as always. Sneaky ciggy. - Oh.
出现。 Come up.
请不要告诉我 Please don't tell me
你父母还不知道你抽烟吗? your parents still don't know you smoke?
我是一名肿瘤科注册医生。 I'm an oncology registrar.
这不好看，是吧? It's not the best look, is it?
但他们现在很高兴我要结婚了。 But they're happy now I'm getting married.
你是谁?嘿,恭喜你。 You are? Hey, congratulations.
-这位幸运的女士是谁?-还不知道。 - Who's the lucky lady? - Don't know yet.
你是什么意思? What do you mean?
这次我要用老办法了。 I'm going old school on this one.
我要包办婚姻了。 I'm getting an arranged marriage.
“辅助婚姻”。 "Assisted marriage".
这就是我们现在的叫法。 That's what we're calling it these days.
嗯…… Huh...
什么，协助自杀吗? What, like assisted suicide?
我头脑不清 I can't get my head round
和不认识的人结婚。 marrying someone you don't know.
这可能更容易 It might be easier
而不是嫁给一个你认识的人 than marrying someone you do know.
嗯。 Mmm.
你从没想过结婚吗? Did you never wanna get married?
哦，"从不"有点苛刻。 Ooh, "never" is a bit harsh.
我还在面试。 I'm still interviewing.
-我还没遇到真命天子。-啊，就是那个。 - I haven't yet met the one. - Ah, the one.
你知道，就是一个我可以承诺的人 You know, just someone who I could commit
一起看完整部电视剧，那就太好了。 to watching a whole TV series with, would be nice.
是一个好去处。 Be nice.
嘿，你妹妹呢?我没见过她。 Hey, where's your little sister? I haven't seen her.
——贾米拉?-是的。 - Jamila? - Yeah.
-她来不了了。 - She couldn't make it.
听起来好像要开始了。 Sounds like it's kicking off in there.
我们应该…我们回去吧。 We should... Let's go back inside.
我得找个新的藏身之处了。 I'm gonna have to find a new hiding place.
他们正在砍树。 They're cutting down the tree.
——不是吗?-是的。 - No? - Yeah.
这是……太悲哀了!这是我们的树! That's... That's so sad! This is our tree!
我知道。来吧。 I know. Come on.
看看法鲁克。他很高兴。 Look at Farooq. He's so happy.
哦,上帝。妈妈跳舞。 Oh, God. Mum dancing.
-谢谢你，艾莎，亲爱的。 - Thank you, Aisha, darling.
那简直是天堂。 That was just heaven.
我明天会回来喝一杯果汁。 I'll be back for a gupshup tomorrow.
再见。 Bye.
——哦。 - Oh.
那不是很奇异吗? Wasn't it just so wonderfully exotic?
我觉得……我觉得自己像个光荣的妃子。 I felt... I felt like some sort of glorious concubine.
异国情调的意思是好的外国而不是 Exotic meaning good foreign rather than
——威胁外国人。-没错。 - threatening foreign. - Yeah, exactly.
凯西，我忘了给你印度香饭了。 Cath, I forgot to give you some biryani.
亲爱的，太谢谢你了。 Oh, darling, thank you so much.
哦!我真不敢相信你居然没告诉我 Oh! I cannot believe that you did not tell me
卡兹让你给他找个老婆 that Kaz has asked you to find him a wife.
我的天啊。你真幸运。 Oh, my God. You are so lucky.
如果我想帮佐伊选衣服她会杀了我的， Zoe would kill me if I even tried to choose her clothes,
更别说丈夫了。 let alone a husband.
那是因为你会选择不合适的人 That's because you'd choose someone ill-fitting
——坚持让我长成他那样。-太刻薄了。 - and insist I grow into him. - That's mean.
-那是你会做的-住手，两个… - That's what you would do. - Stop it, both...
——再见。 - Bye-bye.
——晚安。-谢谢你，甜心。 - Goodnight. - Thank you, sweetheart.
晚上,妈妈。-再见，亲爱的。系好安全带。 Night, Mum. - Bye, darling. Buckle up.
佐伊，我们很喜欢你的医生。 So, Zoe, we loved your doc.
哦，我很喜欢。 Oh, loved it.
-有孩子吗?-是的，就是那个。 - Kids in care? - Yes, that one.
太好了。因为我希望… That's great. Because I was hoping...
不幸的是, Unfortunately,
你对下一部的想法… your ideas for your next one...
破产法庭，名誉谋杀… The bankruptcy courts, honour killings...
它们有点黯淡。 They're a bit bleak.
——悲观。-是的。而且，你知道…… - Downbeat. - Yeah. And, you know...
你那又痒又黑的东西…… Your scratchier, darker stuff...
-我们喜欢。-我们很喜欢 - Which we love. - We love it
一直到骨头。 right down to the bones.
-是的。,但是…… - Yeah. - But...
现在对我们来说并不是真正的评级。 It's not really rating for us right now.
我想，看，我们要找的 I think, look, what we're after
是比较乐观的… is sort of more upbeat...
是的。-人物主导的故事。 Yeah. - Character-led stories.
-温暖的心…-是的。 - Warm heart... - Yeah.
感觉很好，真的。 Um, feel-good, really.
我们进行了头脑风暴， And we were kind of brainstorming,
我们认为可能没有 and we think that there probably isn't
一种自我感觉良好的荣誉谋杀。 a feel-good version of honour killings.
-可能不会。-但是… - Probably not. - But, er...
非常感谢你能来。 Thank you very much for coming in.
我们现在联系上了。 We've connected now.
听着，我们现在有你的详细信息了。 Look, we've got your details now.
所以，还有一线希望。总是往好的方面看。 So, silver lining. Always look at the upside.
实际上，稍等。 Actually, hang on.
现代多元文化英国的包办婚姻。 Arranged marriages in modern multi-cultural Britain.
-抱歉，我没在听…-对不起… - Sorry, I wasn't listening... - I'm sorry...
我只是在解释我儿时的朋友 I was just explaining that my childhood friend
他们的父母来自巴基斯坦… whose parents are from Pakistan...
他出生在巴基斯坦?酷。 He was born in Pakistan? Cool.
不，他出生在这里。 No, he was born here.
但他就住在我隔壁， But he lived literally next door to me,
我们一起长大。 and we grew up together.
他刚刚决定办个包办婚姻。 And he's just decided to have an arranged marriage.
我可以跟随他的旅程 I could follow him on his journey
嫁给一个陌生人 to marry a stranger
是他父母选的。 chosen by his parents.
他……他长得怎么样? What's he... What's he like?
他很棒，很有趣，长得很帅。 Well, he's great, he's funny, good-looking.
-搞笑很好。-真有趣! - Funny's good. - Really funny!
种类。呃，你知道…… Kind. Er, you know...
绝对是你最想不到的人 Literally, the last person you'd ever expect
做这样的事情。 to do something like this.
我可以采访其他英国夫妇 I could interview other British couples
也有包办婚姻。 who've also had arranged marriages.
年长的，年轻的，快乐的，不快乐的。 Um, older, younger, happy, unhappy.
是啊，就像在当哈利遇见莎莉。 Yeah, like in When Harry Met Sally.
哦，呃，你是说 Ooh, erm, don't you mean
当哈利被迫遇见莎莉? When Harry Was Forced To Meet Sally?
——正确的。好了。 - Right. Nice.
其实，这不是强迫婚姻。 Well, this isn't a forced marriage, actually.
这是他的想法。 This is his idea.
我的盛大包办婚礼。 My Big Fat Arranged Wedding.
不是希腊语，对。哦，我喜欢。 Instead of Greek, yeah. Oh, love it.
每个人都认为包办婚姻 Everyone thinks that arranged marriages
是某种中世纪的动产交换， are some sort of mediaeval chattel swap,
但实际上它们已经进化了 but actually they've evolved
进入所谓的辅助婚姻 into what's called assisted marriage
父母只是在推荐一个人 with the parents just suggesting someone
他们认为合适的人选。 who they think would be a good match.
是的，我喜欢。非常喜欢。 Yeah, love that. Absolutely love that.
现在，我只是在想。 Now, I'm just thinking.
先见见父母。 Meet The Parents First.
-先见见父母。 - Meet The Parents First.
——正确的。呃，或者，呃…-叫做《拜见父母》 - Right. Erm, Or, erm... - It's called Meet The Parents.
我希望她是个漂亮女人。 I Hope She's A Pretty Woman.
爱定了。 Love Contractually.
- I Love Actually it。-是的。 - I Love Actually it. - Yeah.
我是说，想想看。你有……你得到了，tick。 I mean, think about it. You got... You got eth, tick.
女导演。蜱虫的两倍。 Female director. Double tick.
哈! Huh!
哇。 Wow.
他和他的家人在飞机上吗? Are him and his family on board?
完全。 Totally.
绝对不是。不。 Absolutely not. No.
来吧，卡兹。我双膝跪地。我求你了。 Come on, Kaz. I'm down on my knees. I'm begging you.
不可能，佐伊。 Out of the question, Zoe.
卡兹，你能帮我做这件事吗? Kaz, will you please just do this for me?
佐伊…… Zoe...
——<我>请! -我现在不方便说话。 -Please! - I can't talk right now.
我不知道你是否听说过， I don't know if you've heard,
但我是一个获奖的纪录片制片人 but I'm an award-winning documentary film-maker.
-是的。我确实听到了。 - Yeah. I did hear that, yeah.
还有，你不是……我的意思是，听着… Also, aren't you... I mean, listen...
你不为自己是穆斯林而自豪吗? Aren't you proud to be a Muslim?
我当然是一个骄傲的穆斯林。 Of course I'm a proud Muslim.
是啊，那么看到不是很好吗? Yeah, then wouldn't it be a good thing to see
像你这样的人上电视吗? someone like you on TV for once?
难道极端主义疯子不制作更有趣的电视节目吗? Don't extremist madmen make more entertaining TV?
不，这很重要。拜托，卡兹。 No, it's important. Come on, Kaz, please.
我们会出去玩的 We'll get to hang out,
我们可以花点时间在一起。 we'll get to spend some time together.
会很有趣的。就像以前一样。 It'll be fun. Like old times.
旧倍吗?我只记得你 Old times? I just remember you
我妹妹一直想甩掉我。 and my sister constantly trying to shake me off.
-这听起来是不是有点奇怪? - Does that sound a bit weird?
拜托了。 Come on, please.
天啊，佐伊，别这样。 Oh, God, Zoe, stop.
你欠我的。 You owe me.
我从来没有告诉过阿伊莎阿姨 I never told Aunty Aisha
你在树屋里做了什么 what you got up to in that treehouse.
<我>。那这个呢? All right. Well, what about this?
我们见个面，打会儿乒乓球。 We'll meet up, play a little table tennis.
如果你赢了我，我会考虑的。 And if you beat me, I'll think about it.
是的。听起来不错。没有压力。 Yeah. Sounds good. No pressure.
快走，快走，快走，快走。 Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
我得到……好久不见了 I'm getting... It's been a while
自从我玩过这个游戏 since I've played this.
呃，我能问一下吗?那爱情呢? Er, dare I ask? What about love?
只是到达那里的方式不同而已。 It's just a different way of getting there.
你不需要从爱开始。 You don't have to start with love.
你以爱结束。你知道吗? You end with love. You know?
随着时间的推移， And over time,
你会慢慢爱上和你在一起的人。 you grow to love the person you're with.
嗯。怎么啦？像斯德哥尔摩综合症? Hmm. What? Like Stockholm Syndrome?
我父母不是逼我这么做的。 You know, my parents aren't making me do this.
不，我知道。所以我才这么惊讶。 No, I know. That's why I'm so surprised.
你知道英国的离婚率是多少吗?我发现了。 Do you know what the UK divorce rate is? I found out.
不。呃,50% ? No. Er, 50%?
- 55%。 - 55%.
猜猜包办婚姻是怎么回事?6%。繁荣。 And guess what it is for Arranged marriages? 6%. Boom.
问题是，佐伊，我见过这招管用。 Thing is, Zoe, I've seen it work.
我想让我的孩子拥有我曾经拥有的一切。稳定。 I want my kids to have what I had. Stability.
婚姻不仅仅是两个人相爱。 Marriage isn't just about two people being in love.
这是一件更重要的事情。 It's a bigger thing than that.
这是关于什么对孩子最好， It's about what's best for children,
还有整个家庭。的社会。 and the whole family. Society.
就说那些奇怪的，老式的， Just say all that weird, old-fashioned,
镜头前的传统废话。 conventional shit on camera.
-妈的，太烦人了。 - Fuck, that is so annoying.
如果我赢了这次集会 If I win this rally, right,
你在拍电影。 you're doing the film.
——是的! - Yes!
神。 God.
你知道我们要去哪里。我刚告诉你了。 You know where we're going. I just told you.
我知道。对着镜头说就行了。 I know. But just say it for the camera.
看着我的眼睛。 And look in my eyes.
-什么，你说了算?-是的，告诉我。 - What, down to you? - Yeah, tell me.
你能给我两秒钟吗?它就在这里。 Can you give me two seconds? It's literally just here.
这是怎么回事? And how is this
和约会软件有什么不同吗? any different from, say, dating apps?
嗯，我猜你可以说这有点像定制的， Well, I guess you could say it's kind of like a bespoke,
3D清真Tinder，由你父母操作。 3D halal Tinder, operated by your parents.
我是Aisha Khan。 I'm Aisha Khan.
我是这部非常积极的纪录片的文化顾问 I'm the cultural consultant on this very positive documentary
——关于包办婚姻。太好了。 - on arranged marriage. Great.
如果你能，嗯 If you could just, um,
-忽略摄像机。嗨,伙计们。 - ignore the camera. Hi, guys.
<我>萨拉姆aleikum。这里没有。不要媒人。 Salam aleikum. Mo here. Mo the matchmaker.
如果你想给你儿子找个合适的对象， And if you're looking for a suitable match for your son,
那你来对地方了。 then you've come to the right place.
我们也照顾女儿。 We do daughters as well.
再一次,只是……你可以假装 Again, just... You can just pretend
我不在这儿。抱歉，我是隐形人。 I'm not here. Sorry, I'm invisible.
自然。把它放低一点。当然,好的。 Natural. Bring it down a little bit. Sure, okay.
好吧。 Okay.
所以，白金服务也包括我 So, platinum services, they also include me
调查那个女孩的家庭。 checking out the girl's family.
鉴于她来自一个很好的家庭， Seeing that she's from a good family home,
漂亮、整洁、干净。 nice, tidy, clean.
好吧。伙计们，告诉我， Okay. So, guys, tell me,
我们今天要找什么样的美女? what kind of lovely lady are we looking for today?
聪明又有魅力的人 Someone intelligent and attractive
以及我和谁合得来。 and who I click with, I suppose.
人们一直在谈论这个点击。你知道吗? People keep talking about this click. You know?
他需要的是同伴，不是点击。 He needs a companion, not a click.
只要一个能容忍我父母的人。 You know, just someone who can tolerate my parents.
一个有着同样背景的女孩。 You know, a girl from the same background.
轻声细语，长发。 Soft-spoken, long hair.
呃，不要太暗。 Er, not too dark.
最多是小麦肤色。 Wheatish complexion, at the most.
小麦、米色? Wheat, beige?
你带潘通色卡了吗? Did you bring your Pantone colour chart?
认真点，好吗? Be serious about this, okay?
兄弟，看看这些，告诉我你的想法。 Brother, have a look at these and tell me what you think.
-没有照片?-还没有照片。 - No photos? - No photos yet.
想想看，如果她身材太好， Think about it, if she's too fit,
那你就不知道她是否合适了。 then you won't know if she's a good fit.
你会看到这张照片。 You're gonna see the picture.
是的。你在用你的小… Yeah. You're thinking with your little...
你需要用你的…好吧? You need to be thinking with your... Okay?
所以，宗教仪式。 So, religious observance.
你想练习吗，适度练习? Do you want practising, moderately practising?
——练习。-不要太保守。 - Practising. - Not too conservative.
有胡子还是没胡子? And beard or no beard?
怎么啦？ What?
错了。抱歉，还给我。 Uh, wrong list. Sorry, give that back.
对不起。 Sorry.
好吧，还有谦逊，我们说的是头巾吗? Um, okay, and modesty, are we talking hijab?
我们说的是尼卡布吗?我们说的是吉尔巴布吗? Are we talking niqab? Are we talking jilbab?
尼卡布不是必需的。 Niqab is not necessary.
毕竟我们是一个现代家庭。 We are a modern family after all.
好吧。现在，我们想要一个家庭主妇的女人， Okay. Now, do we want a housewife kind of lady,
还是我们想要职业女性? or do we want career lady?
说真的，只要我们意见一致， Seriously, as long as we're on the same wavelength,
我们有共同之处…… and we have things in common...
但不要太雄心勃勃， But not too ambitious,
或者对妇女解放运动太投入了。 or too much into this, er, women's lib.
嗯，社区呢? And, er, community?
——巴基斯坦。-任何背景都可以 - Pakistani. - We're open to any background.
但他们只是说巴基斯坦。 But they just said Pakistan.
-只要她是穆斯林但不是印度人。 - As long as she's Muslim. But not Indian.
旁遮普语，信德语，俾路支语。这些都没问题。 Punjabi, Sindhi, Balochi. All these are okay.
-当然，很酷。事实上，会的 - Sure, cool. Actually, it would
如果她是贾兰达尔、KPK、帕坦混血最好。 be best if she is a, you know, Jalandhar KPK Pathan mix.
这有点小众化了。 This is getting kind of niche.
好吧，那是什么……你受过什么教育，兄弟? Okay, and what's, er... What's your education, bro?
生物学学士学位。然后是医学院。 Bachelors in Biology. Then medical school.
-他是个医生。——现钞。 - He's a doctor. - Oof.
听着，食物链的顶端。 Listen, top of the food chain.
——看到了吗?一件容易的事。 - See? Easy.
有什么恶习我该知道的吗? And any vices I should know about?
喝酒、抽烟吗? Any drinking, smoking?
困扰吗?S和M?类似的吗? Dogging? S and M? Anything like that?
——没有。——没有。 - None. - No.
好了，叔叔，阿姨， Okay, Uncle, Aunty,
我会给你儿子找个完美的伴侣。 I will find your son a brilliant match.
你不用担心这个。非常感谢。 You don't worry about that. Thank you very much.
非常感谢。 Thank you very much.
不准带狗，不准带宠物。 No dogs, no pets.
不,不。缠斗意味着什么……别担心。 No, no. Dogging means something... Don't worry.
猫很好。猫? Cats are okay. Cats?
我把它写下来。“猫”。 I'll write that down. "Cats".
我们是在结婚那天认识的。 We met on our wedding day.
我父母给我看了她的照片 My parents, you know, they showed me her photograph
我说:“好吧，没关系。” and I said, "Okay, it's fine."
我妈妈问我，但我说， My mother asked me, but I said,
“不，你选吧。这样以后我就可以怪你了。” "No, you choose. So, later I can blame you."
她的父亲是该地区的副专员， Her father was Deputy Commissioner of the district,
我父亲是村里的医生。 and my father was a doctor in the same village.
他们是朋友， They were friends,
所以，他们安排了这场婚姻。 so, they arranged the marriage.
我记得在婚礼上 I remember, on the wedding,
我们坐在舞台上，灯灭了。 we were sitting on the stage and the lights went out.
在巴基斯坦，存在电力问题。 In Pakistan, there is an electricity problem.
她很害怕， And she got scared,
于是我凑过去对她说， so I leaned over to her and said,
“别担心，没什么。” "Don't worry, it's nothing."
然后我感觉很好。 Then I felt okay.
之后，就是简单的航海了。 After that, it was simple sailing.
你知道，当灯亮起来的时候， You know, when the lights came on,
我觉得他在看着我。 I felt he was looking at me.
她看起来神采奕奕。 She looked tip-top.
我心想， I thought to myself,
“他们做出了一流的选择。” "They made a first-class choice."
♬变冷了♬ ♪ Gone cold ♪
这是可怕的天气♬ ♪ It's horrible weather ♪
它已经变得冰冷了 ♪ It's gone stone cold ♪
♬你知道我们应该在一起♬ ♪ And you know we should've got it together ♪
♬好吧，这很好♬ ♪ Well, it's nice ♪
被需要的感觉真好 ♪ It's nice to be wanted ♪
他怎么了?他看起来不错。 What was wrong with him? He looked nice.
不!-他，他。停止。 No! - Him, him. Stop.
他很帅，我就不去管他了 He's hot enough that I'll overlook
那句鼓舞人心的话。 that inspirational quote.
“我的咒语是……” "My mantra is..."
不。 No.
“…你得忍受雨 "...you have to endure the rain
“如果你想看到彩虹的话。” "if you want to see the rainbow."
这是什么意思? What does that mean?
意思是我得把伟哥塞进他嘴里 It means I'll have to toss a Viagra in his mouth
-当他说话的时候。 - when he's talking.
爸爸的家里。 Daddy's home.
爸爸!爸爸!爸爸!爸爸! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
你在干什么? What are you doing?
我以为结婚的好处之一 I thought the one upside to getting married
这样你就可以放手了吗? is that you get to let yourself go?
伟哥是什么? Yeah, what's a Viagra?
佐伊阿姨在吗? Aunty Zoe here, by any chance?
我去给孩子们读书 I'll go read to the kids
这样你就可以享受一些独处的时间了。 so you can enjoy some alone time.
哦，闭嘴。请不要失礼! Oh, shut up. Nothing inappropriate, please!
-嗯嗯。从来没有。 - Mmm-mmm. Never.
来吧。到这里来。 Come on. Come here.
从前…… Once upon a time...
他可以过来坐在我的肩膀上听我说话。 He can come and listen to me on my shoulder.
——准备好了吗?——是的。 - Ready? - Yes.
过来，莫德。 Oh, come here, Maud.
从前， Once upon a time,
有一个女孩，她遇到了一只青蛙。 there was a girl and she met a frog.
他向她保证 And he promised her
“如果你吻我， "If you kiss me,
“我要变成一个英俊的王子。” "I'll turn into a handsome prince."
她说:“我不感兴趣 And she said, "I'm not interested
“除了我自己，谁也治不好。 "in fixing anyone but myself.
“无论如何, "And anyway,
“我宁愿有一个凉爽的， "I'd far rather have a cool,
"会说话的青蛙胜过无聊的老王子" "talking frog than a boring old prince."
-这不是个好故事。 - That's not a good story.
做灰姑娘。 Do Cinderella.
好吧，我演灰姑娘，如果你在床上 All right, I'll do Cinderella, if you're in bed in
五，四，三，二…… five, four, three, two...
从前， Once upon a time,
灰姑娘遇到了一位英俊的王子。 Cinderella met a handsome prince.
有时候，孩子们，你遇到一个人， And sometimes, kids, you meet someone,
你知道在心跳中 and you know in a heartbeat
你想共度余生 that you want to spend the rest of your life
<我>。 without them.
从前， Once upon another time,
灰姑娘遇到了另一个王子。 Cinderella met another prince.
-你大概能看出来…因为在童话里， - You can probably tell... Because in fairy tales,
没有女主是不完整的。 a heroine is incomplete without one.
…我把每件事都做得很好 ...how well I've done out of everything,
你知道吗? And do you know what?
事实上，你完全正确。 You'd be bloody right, actually.
和另一个王子。 And another prince.
他向她求婚。 And he asked her to marry him.
她说， And she said,
<我>“不”。 "No".
灰姑娘专注于玻璃天花板 Cinderella focused on glass ceilings
代替水晶鞋， instead of glass slippers,
表示她专注于工作 which means she focused on work
她意识到没有一个无聊的老王子她也过得很好。 and realised she was fine without a boring old prince.
<我>。 The End.
检查，一，二… Check, one, two...
你们好，兄弟姐妹们。 Asalam aleikum, brothers and sisters.
欢迎来到这个非常， Welcome to this very,
非常特殊的穆斯林婚姻活动。 very special Muslim marriage event.
我的名字是媒人莫。 I go by the name of Mo the Matchmaker.
我是来给你找个匹配的。 And I'm here to find you a match.
我们要一起结束老处女危机，伙计们。 We are gonna end the spinster crisis together, guys.
来吧。 Come on.
每个人都有适合自己的人。 There's someone out there for everyone.
我们都有需求。 And we all have needs.
离过婚的人。残疾人。 Divorcees. Disabled people.
30岁以上的女性。 Women over 30.
好的,兄弟, Okay, brothers,
你现在可以接近 you may now approach
任何你喜欢的姐妹。 any sisters that you like the look of.
好。旋转。很好。 Good. Rotate. Very nice.
哦，看看那化学反应。 Oh, look at that chemistry.
我们在这里保持清真。我们保持清真。 We keep it halal, here. We keep it halal.
要诚实。你不会得到你想要的 Be honest. You're not gonna get what you want
如果你不说你想要什么。 if you don't say what you want.
伙计们，如果你想要一个好厨师，就说你想要你的尼格拉。 Guys, you want a good cook, say you want your Nigella.
姑娘们，你们想要钱， Girls, you want the money man,
“我在找我的埃隆·马斯克。” say, "I'm looking for my Elon Musk."
用你最好的台词。 Use your best lines.
现在我们要组成一个十人圈。 Now we are gonna form a circle of ten.
五个男孩，五个女孩。监护人在后面。 Five guys, five girls. Chaperones at the back.
来吧，伙计们，我们开始吧。 Come on, guys, let's do it.
你父母会很高兴的，相信我。 Your parents are gonna be so happy, trust me.
来吧。 Come on.
伙计们，我希望你们说实话，好吗? And, guys, I want you to be honest, okay?
这是你第一次来吗? Is this your first time?
伙计，这是大家的第一次。 Mate, here, it's everyone's first time.
至少他们会这么告诉你。 At least that's what they'll tell you.
-孩子们，孩子们。 - Boys, boys, boys.
这是怎么呢？你们为什么要互相说话? What's going on? Why are you talking to each other?
这里有女孩。好吧? There's girls here. Okay?
除非你想在伊斯兰教法之外结婚， Unless you want marriage outside of Islamic sharia,
我建议你不要再和同性说话了。 I suggest you stop talking to the same sex.
好吗，孩子们?享受。 All right, boys? Enjoy.
我在找一个有耐心的人 I'm looking for someone who has patience
以及对文化的理解。 and an understanding of culture.
一个支持和诚实的人， Someone who's supportive and honest,
喜欢旅行的人。 who likes to travel.
嗯，只要一个很棒的人。 Well, just someone who's great.
谁对我来说够英国 And who's British enough for me,
对我的家人来说也足够巴基斯坦了。 and, er, Pakistani enough for my family.
一个脚踏实地又有幽默感的人， Someone down to earth with a sense of humour,
谁会在我的信仰上鼓励我。 who will encourage me in my religion.
你是哪里人? Where are you from?
嗯,伯明翰。你呢? Erm, Birmingham. How about you?
嗯，我来自……嗯，我来自伦敦。 Well, I'm from... Well, I'm from London.
-你是做什么的?-我是银行家。 - What do you do? - I'm a banker.
-你是做什么的?——我……嗯，我是个医生。 - What do you do? - I... Well, I'm a doctor.
哦,Kaz。 Oh, Kaz.
这不是一场巨大而疯狂的赌博吗? Isn't this a massive, crazy gamble?
我的意思是…… I mean...
如果没有化学反应呢? What if there's no chemistry?
你怎么知道 How are you even gonna know,
如果你不相信婚前性行为 if you don't believe in sex before marriage
突然之间? all of a sudden?
我不确定我是否相信婚后性生活。 I'm not sure I believe in sex after marriage.
我的大多数朋友婚后都没有性生活。 Most of my friends have no sex after marriage.
这是他们一生的挚爱。 And that's with the loves of their lives.
这是一个公平的观点。这是令人沮丧的。 That's a fair point. It's depressing.
我想你通常都能看出来 I think you can usually tell
如果性能起作用。 if the sex would work.
你想去喝一杯吗? Do you wanna go and get a drink?
我喝血腥玛丽，你喝圣母。 A Bloody Mary for me, and a Virgin for you.
我要和父母一起吃午饭。 I've got lunch with my parents.
——哦。-今天是母亲节。 - Oh. - It's Mother's Day.
哦,狗屎。 Oh, shit.
明天见。-是的。 See you tomorrow. - Yeah.
——再见。——再见。 - Bye. - Bye.
嗨,佐伊。 Hi, Zoe.
啊!安拉至善，阿伊莎阿姨。 Ah! Allah kum salam, Aunty Aisha.
——什么? - What?
你还是说不出口。这是…… You still can't say it. It's...
Asalam aleikum， Aisha。 Asalam aleikum, Aisha.
好了。 There you go.
我刚才就是这么说的。 That's exactly what I just said.
祝您母亲节快乐。 Happy Mother's Day.
真希望我也能对你说同样的话。 Wish I could say the same to you.
我只是说我希望我也能对她说同样的话。 I was just saying I wish I could say the same to her.
<我>,听天由命。不可能的。 - Inshallah. Fat chance of that.
无论如何，我不能， I cannot, for the life of me,
找到我的另一只洗手手套。 find my other washing-up glove.
这些都是新的。我到处都找过了。 And these are new. I've looked everywhere.
天哪，卡齐姆是不是变得这么好了…… Gosh, hasn't Kazim got so good...
你在哪里?哦。 Where are you? Oh.
…那么好看吗? ...so good-looking?
这并不奇怪，不是吗? It's hardly surprising, is it?
看看他的妈妈。我是说，她… Look at his mother. I mean, she...
她那么优雅，就像希腊人 She's so elegant, she could be Greek
或者意大利。 or Italian.
赞美实际上是一种侮辱。 The compliment that's actually an insult.
你不会认为他们是穆斯林 You wouldn't think they were Muslims
看看他们，好吗? to look at them, would you?
我不知道，妈妈。 I don't know, Mum.
18亿穆斯林长什么样子? What do 1.8 billion Muslims all look like?
——小心。,就… - Careful. - Just...
我们很幸运能和他们做邻居。 We've been very lucky to have them as neighbours.
事实上，他们就像我的家人一样 Actually, they've become like family to me
自从你父亲为了那个小荡妇离开后。 since your father left for that teenaged whore.
-她35岁了。——没错。 - She's 35. - Exactly.
哦，那是Grindr吗? Oh, is that Grindr?
我的发型师一直都是这样。 My hairdresser's never off that.
-有我们该见的人吗?——没有。 - Anyone we should meet? - No.
哦，好吧，不要拖得太晚。 Oh, well, don't leave it too late.
人类卵子也有保质期，你知道的。 Human eggs have a sell-by date, too, you know.
也许我会把它们冻起来。 Maybe I'll freeze them.
我可能是一个90岁的老人推着三辆婴儿车。 I could be a 90-year-old pushing a triple pram.
这对我没好处，对吧?因为我已经死了。 Well, that's no good to me, is it? Because I'll be dead.
哦…… Oh...
你的鸡蛋怎么样了? How is your egg?
看起来有点粗糙。 It looks a bit raw.
嗯。 Mmm.
我的天啊。我的天啊!我的万寿菊! Oh, my God. Oh, my God! My Marigold!
这就是它的结局。 That's where it got to.
他吃了你的洗手手套? He eats your washing-up gloves?
他什么都吃。 He eats everything.
至少现在你能分辨出他的方向了。 At least now you can tell which way round he is.
哦! Oh!
我在给我可爱的兽医打电话。 I'm ringing my lovely vet.
你得把他带走 You're going to have to take him
明天帮我寄给兽医詹姆斯 to James the vet for me tomorrow.
你为什么不能带他去? Why can't you take him?
今天我要去马斯登医院看望癌症病人。 It's my day visiting cancer patients at the Marsden.
我不能。我有一个非常重要的会议。 I can't. I've got a really important meeting.
这是儿童病房。 It's the children's ward.
他会没事的。 He'll be fine.
他还吃了我的激素替代疗法贴片。 He's eaten my HRT patches as well.
他会长出乳房。 He'll grow breasts.
你会长胸的，你这傻狗。 You'll grow breasts, you silly dog.
-一点都不好笑，ZoZo。 - It's not funny, ZoZo.
实际上，这很有趣。 It is funny, actually.
詹姆斯，是我。我…嗯… James, it's me. I... Erm...
是那条狗。我无法解释， It's the dog. I can't explain,
但他身上有东西 but something is hanging out of him
在错误的一端。 at the wrong end.
怎么样，孩子? How's it going then, boy?
你今天找到你太太了吗? Did you find your missus today?
别拿我开涮，伙计。 Don't start with me, man.
我就知道你今天会从我开始。 I knew you were gonna start with me today.
-让我好好享受…任何人好吗? - Let me just enjoy my... Anyone good?
我找不到合得来的人。有…… There was no one I clicked with. There was...
点击收集。 Click and collect.
amy，来吧。必须有火花。 Ammi, come on. There has to be a spark.
-连闪光都没有。-你知道我说什么。 - There wasn't even a flicker. - You know what I say.
先小火煨，再煮。 Simmer first, then boil.
你们都想先煮，再小火煨。 You all want to boil first, then simmer.
当它冷却下来时，你会感到失望， And when it cools down, you get disappointed,
然后把茶扔掉。 and throw out the chai.
是啊，熬太久了 Yeah, well, simmer for too long,
最后你会得到一个干锅。 you end up with a dry pot.
没人喜欢干锅，兄弟。 No-one likes a dry pot, bro.
他把东西扔向我，斥责他。 He threw the thing at me, tell him off.
问题是，人们有太多的选择。 The problem is, people have too many options.
远处的鼓声听起来更激动人心。 The distant drum sounds more exciting.
你告诉他那个女孩的事了吗 Did you tell him about the girl
Mo bhai一直在响，是吧? that Mo bhai rang about, huh?
拉合尔有个很好的女孩。 There's a very nice girl in Lahore.
修院教育，家境优越。 Convent educated, excellent family.
身高还可以，五英尺二英寸。 Height is okay, five foot two.
如果她身高五英尺，我会犹豫。 If she were five foot, I would hesitate.
为什么没人告诉我? Why wasn't I told?
我来告诉你，我来告诉你。 I'll tell you, I'll tell you.
应该有一个很好的本性。 Supposed to have a very good nature.
我和巴基斯坦人有什么共同之处? What am I gonna have in common with someone from Pakistan?
除了文化，宗教， Besides culture, religion,
语言，肤色，家庭，基因。 language, colour, family, genes.
我应该继续吗? Should I go on?
是的，想想看。你的姓氏也会一样。 Yeah, think about it. And your surname will be the same.
她是可汗? She's a Khan?
护照，信用卡。没有变化。 Passport, credit cards. No change.
但她不是你的亲戚? But she's not a relation?
不。但这并没有错。 No. But nothing wrong with that.
你知道，维多利亚和阿尔伯特是表亲。 You know, Victoria and Albert were first cousins.
他们还有一座以他们名字命名的博物馆! And they had a museum named after them!
好吧，我知道。 Okay, yeah, I know.
听着，我们要见面了 Listen, we are meeting
今晚通过Skype和家人联系 the family over Skype this evening.
你看看你喜不喜欢她。 You see if you like her.
请。 Please.
好吧。不喜欢。 Okay. Don't.
我们的父母彼此都认识。 Our parents both knew each other.
他们想让我们见面。 They wanted us to meet.
但我们都说"不" But we were both like, "Nah".
“没有办法”。 "No way".
-对不起，对不起。——好的。 - Sorry, sorry. - Okay.
然后我在鲁米洞穴看到了他。 Then I saw him at Rumi's Cave.
它就像一个文化中心。 It's like this cultural centre.
我们都是穆斯林射箭俱乐部的成员。 And we were both part of the Muslim archery club.
但我们从未说过话。 But we never spoke.
-她上了看护。-但他在玩Muzmatch - She was on Minder. - But he was on Muzmatch.
所以我们走上了不同的道路。 So we were on different paths.
但我们在穆斯林麻瓜测试中是同一组的。 But we were on the same team for the Muslim muggles quiz.
这是给哈利波特迷的， It's for Harry Potter fans,
看看这个系列中的伊斯兰价值观。 looking at Islamic values in the series.
-我们确定了负载。-我们赢了! - And we identified loads. - And we won!
团队赫奇帕奇! Team Hufflepuff!
所以，在那之后，我们同意见面。 So, then, after that, we agreed to meet.
我记得我对自己说， And I remember saying to myself, you know,
“你有时会从一个房间游荡到另一个房间 "You wander from room to room sometimes
“找钻石。 "looking for the diamond
“那已经在你自己的脖子上了。” "that's already around your own neck."
Rūmī。 Rūmī.
好吧。 Okay.
呃,你好。 Er, hi.
<我>嗨。 Hi.
Maymouna。这是一个非常可爱的名字。 Maymouna. That's a very lovely name.
它非常漂亮。 It's very beautiful.
<我>谢谢。 Thank you.
你是用你家里的人的名字命名的吗? Are you named after anyone in your family?
<我>嗯。 Mmm.
<我>, No.
我想我的父母只是喜欢它。 I think my parents just liked it.
太好了。这是…… Great. That's...
你……你在学法律? You're... You're studying law?
<我>是的。 Yes.
嗯，我想过做法律。 Well, I thought about doing law.
但后来我没有。 But then I didn't.
你有兄弟姐妹吗? Do you have any siblings?
我有个哥哥和他妻子住在这里。 I have a brother who lives here with his wife.
还有一个妹妹。 And a sister.
我只有一个哥哥， I have one brother, and, um,
和… and...
我姐姐住在北方地区。 My sister lives in the Northern Areas.
她丈夫被派驻那里。 Her husband is posted there.
世界屋脊。 The roof of the world.
那是世界上我最喜欢的地方。 That's my favourite place on earth.
我还没去过那里，但是…… I haven't been there yet, but...
我还记得我第一次去的时候。 I remember the first time I went.
嗯… Um...
我爷爷带我去的。 My grandfather took me.
那也是他最喜欢的地方。,嗯… That was his favourite place as well. And, um...
我只是个小男孩， I was just a little boy,
我走丢了 and I'd wandered off and got lost,
很奇怪，我一点也不害怕。这是…… and it was weird, I wasn't scared. It was...
那是我第一次感觉到与人有联系 It was the first time I felt connected
为比我更重要的事干杯? to something bigger than myself, you know?
比我自己的恐惧更强大，而且…… Bigger than my own fear, and...
我爷爷给了我 My grandfather gave me
但当他找到我的时候，狠狠地扇了我一巴掌。 a tight slap when he found me, though.
那仍然是我觉得离上帝最近的地方。肯定。 That's still the place I feel closest to God. Definitely.
和我的祖父。 And to my grandfather.
你觉得搬去伦敦怎么样? How do you feel about possibly moving to London?
——嗯…-她不介意 - Um... - She's fine with it.
她会喜欢伦敦的。 She will love London.
这是一个非常多元文化的地方。 It's a very multi-cultural place.
全是巴基斯坦人。 Full of Pakistanis.
就像住在一个巨大的妓院里。 It's like living in a giant brothel.
对此我很抱歉。 I'm sorry about this.
-这是我哥哥。 -没关系。 - This is my big brother. - It's okay.
——Farooq。-他给我零花钱。 - Farooq. - He gives me pocket money.
这是正常的。 It's normal.
他们带狗去吃饭 They take their dogs to dinner
把孩子留在家里。 and leave their children at home.
别理她。 Don't mind her.
很好。-是的。 Very nice. - Yeah.
他这次吃的是什么? What's he been eating this time?
-妈妈的HRT贴片。——啊。 - Mum's HRT patches. - Ah.
还有她的洗手手套。 And her washing-up glove.
上次是她的流行袜。 Last time, it was her pop socks.
哦,上帝。他就像一个毛茸茸的吃豆人。 Oh, God. He's like a fluffy Pac-Man.
让我们看看他 Let's take a look at him,
-我们走吧?——嗯。 - shall we? - Mmm.
你能不能好好抱着他不动。 If you could just hold him nice and still.
好吧。来吧，巴尼。 Okay. Come on, Barney.
——哦。-给你。 - Oh. - There you go.
-哦，我要…——对不起。 - Oh, I'm just gonna... - Sorry.
——对不起。——对不起。 - Sorry. - Sorry.
对不起。他经常来这里吗? Sorry. Does he come here often?
很多时候，我知道他最深最黑暗的秘密。 So often, I know all his deepest, darkest secrets.
甚至是你们中的一些人。 And even some of yours.
不，我开玩笑的。我只是在开玩笑。 No, I'm kidding. I'm just kidding.
-但是你妈妈告诉我… - But your mum has told me...
-…不过都是关于你的。-天啊。 - ...all about you, though. - Oh, God.
在伦敦的电影学院。 Film school in London.
两个纪录片。a Radio Times Two documentaries. And a Radio Times
观众和听众奖。 Viewers' and Listeners' Award.
-她把我的真实简历给你了-还有你的全部作品。 - She gave you my actual CV. - And your complete works.
-我很抱歉。-别担心。 - I'm so sorry. - Don't worry.
我还没机会看呢， I haven't had a chance to watch them yet,
但它们看起来真的非常非常棒。 but they do look really, really great.
这家伙会没事的。 Now, this guy is gonna be just fine.
如果周五前他还没通过， If he hasn't passed them by Friday,
带他回来，我们给他拍x光片。 bring him back in, we'll get him X-rayed.
——好的。 - Okay.
谢谢。来吧，你这只傻狗。 Thanks. Come on, you silly dog.
很高兴再次见到你，巴尼。 Good to see you again, Barney.
嗯，很高兴 And, um, it's lovely to
我也第一次见到你，佐伊。 meet you, too, for the first time, Zoe.
和你。 And you.
如果你想出去的话 If you ever felt like going out
找个时间去喝一杯什么的， to get a drink or something, sometime,
-我们可以…-谢谢。 - we could... - Thank you.
我工作忙得不可开交 I'm a bit snowed under with work
——目前。-当然。 - at the moment. - Yeah, sure.
就因为你妈妈说你…不过没关系。 Just 'cause your mum said that you... But never mind.
嗯… Um...
-我来帮你开门。-是的。 - Let me get the door for you. - Yeah.
谢谢你！很抱歉。 Thank you. Sorry about that.
——哈!-呃，嗯… - Ta-da! - Er, mmm...
-照顾好那家伙-我会的，谢谢。 - Uh, look after that guy. - I will, thanks.
-非常感谢。-记得告诉我 - Thanks so much. - And let me know
如果你的工作量… if your workload...
缓解。 eases.
♬祝你生日快乐♬ ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♬祝你生日快乐，亲爱的妈妈♬ ♪ Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Mum ♪
♬祝你生日快乐♬ ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
<我>谢谢! Thank you!
我现在不方便说话 I can't actually talk right now
因为我要…我要走了 because I'm about to, um... I'm about to go and
把一些大鸡蛋放在冰上作为你的生日礼物。 put some grand eggs on ice for your birthday present.
<我>噢! Ooh!
是的。所以，你可以停下来了 Yeah. So, you can stop
把我介绍给完全陌生的人。 setting me up with total strangers.
多好的生日礼物啊。 What a wonderful birthday present.
你想把它们包装成礼物吗? Would you like them gift wrapped?
有加急服务吗? Is there an express service?
哦，当然了。 Oh, yeah, absolutely.
午休时间过来就行了。 Just come in here on your lunch break.
60多岁的时候， And then in your 60s,
我们给你的宝宝解冻。 we defrost your baby.
不。 No.
蛋的收获。 Egg harvest.
是的。听起来很有节日气氛，对吧?它不是。 Yeah. Sounds festive, huh? It's not.
听着，你有多想当妈妈? Listen, how much do you want to be a mother?
嗯。好吧，我宁愿当父亲。 Mmm. Well, I'd rather be a father.
那你就没有 Then you don't have
-兼顾一切。-是的。 - to juggle everything. - Yeah.
不，我… No, I, um...
当然，我想成为一名母亲。 Of course, I want to be a mother.
我只是… I just...
你知道，我想找到那个对的人。现在还不行。 You know, I want to find the right person. And not yet.
我就是为此而来的。 That's why I'm here.
我一直看到这些50多岁的女人生孩子。 I keep seeing all these women in their 50s having babies.
那肯定是冷冻卵子，对吧? So, that's gotta be frozen eggs, right?
啊。同样的女人，比如， Ah. The same women that have, like,
皮肤很好，没有眼袋 really nice skin and no eye bags
因为他们用对了润肤霜? because they use the right moisturiser?
是啊，不太可能。 Yeah, highly unlikely.
你知道冷冻卵子的成功率吗? Do you know the success rate for frozen eggs?
嗯，我知道 Well, I know
-这不是保证。 - it's not a guarantee.
不。 No.
这是…… It's...
1%。 1%.
1%的冷冻卵子会导致活产。 1% of frozen eggs result in a live birth.
真的吗? Really?
但冷冻胚胎的几率要大得多。 But much better odds for frozen embryos.
——好的。 - Okay.
那我怎么冷冻胚胎呢? Um, how do I freeze an embryo, then?
带个搭档进来吧。 Just come in with a partner.
或者，你知道的，挑选一个精子捐献者。 Or, you know, pick a sperm donor.
或者找个好基友。这是…… Or just find a nice gay friend. That's...
我没有搭档。 I don't have a partner.
我以为这就是冷冻卵子的意义所在， I thought that was the whole point of this egg freezing,
就是我不用把所有的蛋都放在一个混蛋身上 is that I don't have to put all my eggs in one bastard.
他错发短信给我而不是她。 He texted me instead of her by mistake.
-她是谁?-他办公室的人。 - Who is she? - Someone in his office.
我早该知道的。 I should have known.
他一直不记得 He kept not remembering
-她的名字。 - her name.
-等等。 - Hang on.
你要去哪里?那不是他，对吧? Where are you going? That's not him, is it?
你能应付孩子们吗? Can you deal with the kids?
我的天啊。 Oh, my God.
从前， Once upon a time,
有一个女孩叫小红帽。 there was a girl called Little Red Riding Hood.
她这周过得很糟糕。 She'd had a bad week.
她想要的只是感觉好一点。 And all she wanted was to feel better.
或者什么都感觉不到。 Or to feel nothing.
所以，当她妈妈警告她不要偏离这条路时， So, when her mother warned her not to stray off that path,
和陌生人交谈 and talk to any strangers
小红帽心想， Little Red Riding Hood thought to herself,
“老路上的乐趣在哪里?” "Where's the fun on a well-trodden path?"
当然，她遇到了一只狼。 And of course, she met a wolf.
在一瞬间， In an instant,
所有不好的感觉都消失了，就像变魔术一样。 all those bad feelings disappeared, like magic.
“最坏会发生什么?” "What's the worst that could happen?"
她想。 she thought to herself.
“那么，一只坏男孩狼想要吃了我?” "So, a bad boy wolf wants to eat me?
“这里咬一点，那里咬一点，没什么大不了的。 "A little nibble here and there can't hurt.
<我> "可以吗? " "Can it?"
我当时在洗澡。 I was in the shower.
是的。 Yeah.
嗯。 Mmm-hmm.
对不起。是啊，我… Sorry. Yeah, I, um...
我把手机调成静音就睡着了。 I fell asleep with my phone on silent.
——哦! - Ooh!
-有人受伤。啊，别这样。该死的潜艇。 - Man down. Ah, come on. Bloody sub .
你在。 You're on.
至少你进球了吗? Did you get the goal, at least?
不，我只是让你像个小兔子一样倒下了。 No, I just got you going down like a skittle.
太好了。 Great.
那看起来很痛苦。哦。 That looked painful. Oh.
等一下，让我把麦克风戴上。 Hang on, let me just get this mic on.
我肯定做了什么事。 I've definitely pulled something.
所以… So...
是什么…… What was...
-什么事这么紧急?-我，呃… - What was so urgent? - I, er...
-我有消息。——是吗? - I've got news. - Yeah?
我,呃…… I'm, er...
我,呃……我订婚了。 I, er... I got engaged.
等等,什么? Wait, what?
是的，我知道。这很疯狂，对吧?但我们…… Yeah, I know. It's crazy, right? But we've...
我说了很多。 been talking quite a lot.
一直在发短信和FaceTime。 And been texting and FaceTime.
我们继续聊天。 And we keep talking.
我真的很喜欢她。 I really like her.
婚礼还有整整一个月才开始，所以… And the wedding's not for a whole 'nother month, so...
-一个月?-是的，我知道。 - A month? - Yeah, I know.
我妈妈已经把糖果分发给整条街的人了。 My mum's already handed out sweets to the whole street.
-这是爱在第一次Skype。 - It's love at first Skype.
显然不是，不是。 Well, obviously not, no.
爱情一开始就是心理健康问题。 Love at first anything's a mental health issue.
那么，她几岁了? So, um, how old is she again?
威尔莫、跟踪!威尔莫! Willmore, track! Willmore!
- 22所示。早点离开派对。 - 22. Leaving the party early.
不担心年龄差距? Not worried about the age gap?
我就知道你会这么问。 I knew you were gonna ask that.
不，她超级聪明。 No, she's super smart.
你觉得你们有足够的共同点吗? And you reckon that you have enough in common?
好吧，我们会的。 Well, we will have.
她明白了。 She gets it.
她知道这一切是怎么回事。 She understands how it all works.
你知道，她想成为 You know, she wants to be
-人权律师。——哇。 - a human rights lawyer. - Wow.
对不起。 Sorry.
我只是在接受它。嗯… I'm just taking it all in. Um...
所以你真的要嫁给一个陌生人了。 So you really will be marrying a stranger.
我想，到最后，所有人都是如此。 I guess, in the end, so is everyone else.
每个人都变成了另一个人， Everyone turns out to be someone else,
或者和别人上床。 or fucking someone else.
-你没事吧?-对，对，对。我很好。 - Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
你能把这东西打开吗? Can you turn the thing on the...
不，不，不。对不起。对不起。 No, no, no. Sorry. Sorry.
佐伊,! Zoe, off!
有什么事吗? What's up?
呃,抱歉。 Uh, sorry.
这一周太有挑战性了。 Oh, it's just been a challenging week.
怎么啦？再和你讨厌的人约会? What? Another date with someone you already hate?
你需要的是休假。 What you need is a holiday.
是的。 Yeah.
在拉合尔。 In Lahore.
嗯。 Mmm.
哦,亲爱的。 Oh, darling.
我们走之前正好能吃点东西。 Just in time for a quick bite before we leave.
太好了。哦,对不起。鸡蛋吗? Great. Oh, sorry. Eggs again?
不，不，不。鸡蛋饼。 No, no, no. Omelettes.
来吧。 Come on.
这里面有个小爱心包 Ooh, now in there is a little care package
我为大家准备的。 I've put together for us.
基本的东西。易蒙停，霍布诺，强奸警报。 Just the basics. Imodium, HobNobs, rape alarm.
巴尼要加入我们吗? Is Barney joining us?
别傻了。虽然,嗯…… Don't be silly. Although, um...
不，詹姆斯会来接他的 No, James is coming to pick him up
-我以为…噢! - and I thought that... Ooh!
他来了。我想他可能愿意加入我们 There he is. I thought he might like to join us
有那么一点点……小的午餐。 for a little... Little lunch.
-詹姆斯!嗨。 - James! Hi.
我最喜欢的狗语者。 My favourite dog whisperer.
哦，请进。 Oh, come in.
佐伊。你还记得詹姆斯吧? Zoe. You remember James, don't you?
詹姆斯送了你的流行袜。嗨。 James delivered your pop socks. Hi.
说到这个…… Talking of which...
-你过得怎么样?-你知道的，拯救生命。 - So, how have you been? - Oh, you know, saving lives.
一只沙鼠，一只猫， A gerbil, a cat,
八十多岁的乌龟，正在缓慢恢复。 octogenarian tortoise who's making a slow recovery.
——对不起。-他太有趣了。 - Sorry. - He's so funny.
他是如此……他很有趣。 He's so... He's so funny.
你为什么不坐下来 Why don't you just sit,
在我烤面包的时候聊聊吧? and have a chat while I cook the toast?
所以，你要去参加一个盛大的婚礼 So, you're off to a fancy wedding
——在巴基斯坦，我听说?-是的。 - in Pakistan, I hear? - Yeah.
我从没错过过可汗的婚礼 I've never missed a Khan wedding,
我等不及要穿布基尼了 and I can't wait to wear a burkini
-在次大陆。——哇。 - on the subcontinent. - Wow.
除了拉合尔离海很远。 Except for Lahore is nowhere near the sea.
你永远不知道我们会在哪里结束。 Well, you never know where we might end up.
当我们回来的时候， And when we come back,
我们应该和詹姆斯共进晚餐。 we should have dinner with James.
我们去叫海伦娜和哈利过来。 We'll get Helena and Harry over.
海伦娜是佐伊的好朋友。 Helena is Zoe's very good friend.
她嫁给了一个叫哈里的可爱男人。 She's married to a lovely man called Harry.
有外遇的人。 Who's been having an affair.
——哈利?——是的。 - Harry? - Yes.
——不是吗?我真不敢相信。——是的! - No? I can't believe it. - Yes!
我很确定大多数已婚男人都会出轨 I'm pretty sure most married men would cheat
如果他们能逃脱惩罚的话。 if they could get away with it.
詹姆斯不会。 James wouldn't.
即使你确定你妻子永远不会知道? Even if you're sure your wife would never know?
不，当然不是。 No, of course not.
为什么不呢? Why not?
因为我知道。 Because I'd know.
祝你有个好胃口。 Bon appétit.
嗯。 Mmm.
-等一下，宝贝。 - Wait a minute, pet.
哦! Oh!
所以,嗯…… So, erm...
-你好，亲爱的。——你好! - Oh, hello, darling. - Hello!
你早。你怎么这么早? You're early. Why are you so early?
飞机几小时后才起飞。 Flight doesn't leave for hours.
我知道。我知道。我们只需要 I know. I know. We just need
留出额外的安全时间。 to allow extra time for security.
为什么? Why?
所以我可以被随机选择。 So, I can be randomly selected.
哦!哦。 Oh! Oh.
哦…… Oh...
哦，那太遗憾了。 Well, that's a shame.
詹姆斯正要告诉我们 James was about to tell us
某物。 something
-太搞笑了。 - absolutely hilarious.
看看谁来了。他说我们得走了。 Look who's here. He says we've got to go.
对不起，妈妈，你的巨大努力都白费了。 Sorry, Mum, that your enormous efforts have gone to waste.
但是，你知道，我们要赶飞机，而且…… But, you know, we've got a plane to catch, and...
卡兹，医生…… Kaz, the doctor...
-嗨。-嗨。 - Hi. - Hi.
…这是兽医詹姆斯。 ...meet James the vet.
我听说过你。祝你婚礼顺利。 I've heard all about you. Good luck with the wedding.
-谢谢。——哦。巴尼。巴尼。 - Thank you. - Oh. Barney. Barney.
-妈妈，去购物。 - Mummy go shopping.
妈妈去购物。 Mummy go shopping.
别告诉巴尼我要去拉合尔了， Don't tell Barney that I'm off to Lahore,
因为他会… because he'll get...
购物。购物。留下来。购物。留下来。留下来。 Shopping. Shopping. Stay. Shopping. Stay. Stay.
让我来帮你拿箱子吧。 Let me help you with the cases.
不，我去拿。 No, I'll get them.
好吧，我很想知道一切进展如何。 Well, I'm looking forward to hearing how it all goes.
-你也是——太棒了。嗯… - Yeah, you, too. - Great. Well...
-哦…-我是说，谢谢 - Oh... - I mean, thanks.
——太棒了。是的。——再见。再见。 - Great. Yeah. - Bye. Bye.
哦,詹姆斯。 Oh, James.
很抱歉，我们得走了。但是… I am so sorry that we've got to go. But...
我会在巴基斯坦跟你们俩视频聊天的 Well, I'll FaceTime you both from Pakistan
或者,还是…… or, or...
遮住我的FaceTime。 Cover my FaceTime.
你惹我生气了。 You set me off.
留着吧，以防你想去购物。 Keep that, just in case you might want to go shopping.
再见。亲爱的,再见。吃煎蛋卷。 Bye. Darling, bye. Eat the omelettes.
——好的。是的。——再见。再见。 - Okay. Yeah. - Bye. Bye.
再见! Bye!
巴尼。 Barney.
这是她在耶稣诞生剧里… And this is her in the nativity play where...
你不知道那是什么 You don't know what that is,
但我稍后会解释。 but I'll explain later.
当她还是个婴儿的时候。 Her when she was a little baby.
她只有三个月大。 She was only three months old.
你还好吗? Are you all right?
这是思想场疗法。这是,呃…… It's thought field therapy. It's, er...
…一种技术。 ...a technique.
我不喜欢坐飞机。 I don't like flying.
连行话都是病态的。这是什么? Even the lingo's morbid. It's what?
“目的地”。“离开”。 "Final destination". "Departed".
或“终端”。 Or "Terminal".
要坚果吗，先生?-谢谢。 Some nuts, sir? - Thank you.
不客气。 You're welcome.
你妈妈家的那个人是谁? Who was that guy at your mum's house?
嗯。 Mmm.
如果我是巴基斯坦人，他会是我的包办丈夫。 If I were Pakistani, he'd be my arranged husband.
-听起来很理想。-除了他不是我喜欢的类型。 - Sounds ideal. - Except that he's not my type.
-你喜欢什么类型?——哦! - What is your type? - Oh!
-但这有错吗?-是的。 - But is that wrong? - Yeah.
呃，不知道。 Uh, don't know.
我能问你一个问题吗? Can I ask you a question?
如果你知道你永远不会被抓到，你还会作弊吗? Would you cheat if you knew you'd never get caught?
要诚实。如果你妻子永远不会知道的话。 Be honest. If your wife would never know.
不。 No.
为什么不呢? Why not?
他会知道的。 Well, he'd know.
哦。 Oh.
-他在听。 - He's listening.
他们不是非常不舒服吗 Aren't they desperately uncomfortable
在这么热的天气里穿得这么好 covered up like that in this heat
除了他们的眼睛? except for their eyes?
不，不像那些可怜的女人那么难受 No, not as uncomfortable as those poor women
除了眼睛以外，都是赤裸的。 who are uncovered except for their eyes.
就像在爱情岛。你看，凯西， Like on Love Island. You see, Cath,
我们女人的价值在于她的内心。 our women are valued for what's on the inside.
所以我们不做整形手术 Which is why we don't have plastic surgery
厌食症, and anorexia,
以及所有这些西方疾病 and all these Western diseases.
我想应该是布卡吧 Well, I suppose a burka's
非常宽容，不是吗? wonderfully forgiving, isn't it?
用卢比换你的想法? A rupee for your thoughts?
我摘下墨镜就更好看了。 Oh, it's even better with my sunglasses off.
多么漂亮的大厅啊。 What a beautiful hall.
我不是想惹你生气。 I'm not trying to upset you.
我们不能再这样下去了。 We can't go on like this.
你知道这给我带来了一生中最大的痛苦。 You know this has caused me the greatest pain in my life.
还有你的祖母。 And that of your grandmother, too.
那我们就无能为力了。 Then, there's nothing we can do about it.
好吧。 Okay.
我真为你骄傲。 I'm so proud of you.
咱们别破坏了这个欢乐的场合。 Let's not spoil this happy occasion.
他们在结婚那天相遇。 They met on their wedding day.
他骑着一匹白马来到她的村庄 He came to her village on a white horse
把她带离她的家。 to take her away from her home.
年轻时，连乌鸦也显得高贵。 In youth, even a crow looks princely.
嗯，像一个迷人的王子。 Er, like a charming prince.
我对马过敏。 I was allergic to horses.
于是他们一起骑马走了。 And they rode off together.
他们相爱了吗? And did they fall in love?
坠入爱河，失去平静。 Fall in love, lose your peace.
你知道，我们总是说， You know, we always say, it is, uh,
与其陷入喜欢，不如走进爱。 better to fall into like, and walk into love.
这是一场很好的比赛。 It was a good match.
- aleikum的警报。-大鲵 - Asalam o aleikum. - Waleikum salam.
- aleikum的警报。——Waleikum。 - Asalam o aleikum. - Waleikum.
- aleikum的警报。-大鲵 - Asalam o aleikum. - Waleikum salam.
多漂亮的女孩啊! What a beautiful girl!
谢谢你！ Thank you.
很高兴终于见到你本人了。 Pleased to meet you in person, finally.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
你的学习怎么样了? How are your studies going?
好。 Good.
我在想我们也许可以 Um, I was thinking we could maybe
今晚一起做点什么。 do something together this evening.
我们在Skype上认识的。 We met on Skype.
嗯… Um...
我以为她是… I thought she was...
你知道，很明显，很有吸引力。又聪明。 You know, attractive, obviously. And intelligent.
充满活力。 Full of life.
我不知道你是怎么看我的。 I don't know what you thought of me.
我觉得他人很好，很通情达理。 I thought he seemed nice and reasonable.
太好了。嗯… That's great. Um...
你能告诉我吗? Can you tell me
如何……你是怎么求婚的? how... How did you propose?
嗯… Um...
嗯，实际上，我的… Well, actually, my...
父母向她的父母求婚。 parents proposed to her parents.
那一定是 It must have been
对你来说很困难，Maymouna daunting for you, Maymouna,
决定是否要度过余生 deciding whether to spend the rest of your life
和一个你几乎不认识的人。 with someone you hardly know.
嗯。 Mmm.
如果我父母对他们的决定满意， If my parents are comfortable with their decision,
我没意见。 I'm okay with it.
我们在电话里聊了很多。 And we talked a load on the phone.
然后我们开始了解彼此。 And then we got to know each other.
你能总结一下你们俩的感受吗? Can you sum up how you both feel?
好。 Good.
感觉……感觉是时候了。 Feels... Feels like the timing's right.
和… And...
你们能看到自己坠入爱河吗? Can you see yourselves falling in love?
是的,<我>听天由命。 Yes, inshallah.
不管"恋爱"是什么意思。 Whatever "in love" means.
嗯。 Hmm.
他还记得你小时候的样子吗? Did he remember you from when you were a kid?
-是的，那是家人…——好吗? - Yeah, that's family... - Well?
-早上好。-你要去哪里? - Hey, morning. - Where are you going?
你还没吃早饭呢。 You haven't even had breakfast.
我得去找裁缝。 I need to go to the tailor.
然后我要带佐伊去阿纳卡利集市。 Then I was gonna take Zoe to Anarkali bazaar.
你会喜欢的。 You're gonna love it.
这是一个巨大的集市 It's a massive bazaar
以一个美丽的舞蹈女孩命名。 named after a beautiful dancing girl.
谁被阿克巴皇帝活埋了 Who was buried alive by Emperor Akbar
因为她不适合他的儿子。 because she was an unsuitable match for his son.
活埋。 Buried alive.
待会儿见。 I'll see you later.
娅斯敏。把这个给亲爱的娜妮。 Yasmin. Take this for Nani Jan.
我不敢相信你说… I can't believe you said...
“爱意味着什么”。 "Whatever love means".
嗯? Huh?
这是查尔斯王子的名言 That's what Prince Charles famously said
当他和戴安娜订婚的时候 when he got engaged to Diana.
我觉得这听起来很熟悉。 I thought that sounded familiar.
他们基本上是包办婚姻。 They basically had an arranged marriage.
是的。 Yeah.
结果很好。 That worked out really well.
戴安娜王妃想嫁给一个巴基斯坦男人。 Princess Diana wanted to marry a Pakistani man.
-哈斯纳特·汗医生。-可汗医生。 - Doctor Hasnat Khan. - Doctor Khan.
-妈妈说不行。-他怎么了? - Mother said no. - What happened to him?
他是包办婚姻。 He had an arranged marriage.
从此过上了幸福的生活? Lived happily enough ever after?
离婚了。 Got divorced.
他变得太西方化了。 He'd become too much Western.
好吧,问题。 Okay, question.
你觉得她怎么样?在现实生活中? What did you think of her? In real life?
-她很棒。-是啊，但是 - She's great. - Yeah, but, um,
你喜欢她吗? did you fancy her?
请佐伊。我一定要在镜头前说吗?来吧。 Zoe, please. Do I have to say that on camera? Come on.
-真烦人。——好。 - So annoying. - Fine.
你对今晚的手写感到紧张吗? And are you nervous about the mehndi tonight?
事实上，告诉我那是什么。 Actually, just tell me what that is.
在巴基斯坦，我们真的很喜欢 Well, in Pakistan, we really like
拉长婚礼庆典的时间。 to draw out the wedding celebrations.
已经三天多了。 It's over three days.
嗯… Uh...
首先是手写符号也就是今晚。 And first it's the mehndi, which is tonight.
,嗯… And, uh...
有点像雄鹿和母鸡合二为一。 Kind of like a stag and a hen rolled into one.
除了你的祖父母在那里，这很可爱。 Except your grandparents are there, which is lovely.
新郎也不会脱光衣服 And the groom isn't stripped naked
被绑在灯柱上。 and tied to a lamppost.
然后第二天是nikah And then the next day is the nikah,
这才是真正的婚姻。 that's the actual marriage.
还有shaadi。然后，呃，walima。 And the shaadi. Then, er, walima.
你要看的主要内容是什么 Where the main thing is you have to look
好像你们的第一晚不开心似的。 like you haven't enjoyed your first night together.
如果你不喜欢呢 What if you haven't enjoyed
你们在一起的第一晚? your first night together?
-无可奉告?-无可奉告。 - No comment? - No comment.
我们能进去吗? Can we go in?
我妈妈会喜欢的。我能在这里拍吗? My mum would love this. Can I film in here?
阿富汗。 Afghanistan.
它是美丽的。多少钱? It's beautiful. How much is it?
15000年。 15,000.
给他一万。 Give him 10,000.
在这里。 Here.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
谢谢,Kaz。 Thanks, Kaz.
你知道 You know
所有这些东西， all that stuff,
激情,… passion, and...
化学反应，随便你怎么称呼它， chemistry, whatever you want to call it,
这不是最重要的。 it's not the most important thing.
反正不会持续太久。 Doesn't last, anyway.
这是惊人的。 It's amazing.
他以为你是我妻子。 He thinks you're my wife.
我是说你只是个朋友。 I'm saying that you're just a friend.
只是朋友。 Just friends.
我也是你的初吻。 I was your first kiss, too.
在树屋。 In the treehouse.
我只是不敢相信你忘了。 I just can't believe you've forgotten.
Kaz。 Kaz.
嗯? Hmm?
你和你妈妈吵架是怎么回事? What was that row with your mum about?
这是…… It's...
是关于贾米拉来参加婚礼的事。 Just about Jamila coming to the wedding.
她为什么做得这么糟? Why is what she did so bad?
穆斯林妇女是不应该的 A Muslim woman isn't supposed
嫁给一个非穆斯林它是haram， init ? to marry a non-Muslim guy. It's haram, innit?
-我知道。-她和一个男人跑了 - I know. - She ran off with this guy,
伤透了我祖父的心。字面上。 broke my grandfather's heart. Literally.
一周后，他去世了。 He died a week later.
你不能怪她。 You can't blame that on her.
然后她甚至没有来参加葬礼。 Then she didn't even come to the funeral.
为什么不呢? Why not?
她想要他…… She wanted him...
大卫，也欢迎你。 David, to be welcome, too.
我能拍下你说这些话吗? Can I film you saying this stuff?
——没有。-拜托，卡兹。 - No. - Please, Kaz.
我不能照你说的去做。 I can't just show what you want me to show.
如果它不真实，它就没有任何价值。 If it's not truthful, it just won't have any value.
请。 Please.
——好的。我很抱歉。-你知道他们有孩子了吗? - Okay. I'm sorry. - You know they've had a baby?
我妈妈的第一个外孙，她都没见过。 My mum's first grandchild who she's never even met.
所有这些不幸。她所做的就是坠入爱河。 All this unhappiness. All she did was fall in love.
不，她做的不止这些，佐伊。 No, that's not all she did, Zoe.
她选择了爱情而不是家庭。 She chose love over family.
但这不正是婚姻的意义吗? But isn't that the whole point of marriage?
有一些事情 There are some things
我不指望你能理解。 I don't expect you to understand.
你能给我解释一下吗 Can you explain to me
虽然我们都长大了，但为什么有这么大的不同 how it's so different even though we grew up
在同一条街上? on the same street?
-我们有什么不同?——是的。 - How are we different? - Yes.
你是认真的吗?——请。 - Are you serious? - Please.
好吧。 Okay.
首先，你不会每周都被邀请 For a start, you don't get asked every week
在你的家乡， where you're from originally,
或者你多久回一次巴基斯坦。 or how often you go back to Pakistan.
你是英国人，我出生在英国 You're British, I'm British born,
我们都知道这是非白人的暗号。 which we all know is just code for non-white.
英国人，你知道的。 Brit-ish, you know.
你也不需要深深地道歉 And you're not expected to apologise profoundly
代表所有棕色人种 on behalf of all brown people
每次发生恐怖袭击 every time there's a terror attack
世界上任何地方。 anywhere in the world.
有一整块大陆 There was an entire continent
在49号和47号之间，佐伊。 between number 49 and 47, Zoe.
这不是你拍电影的原因吗? Isn't that why you're making the film?
我必须祈祷。我马上回来。 I have to pray. I'll be back.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
佐伊。 Zoe.
你挡住新娘的路了。 You're in the bride's way.
你看起来很漂亮。 You look very beautiful.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
嗨。 Hi.
-嗨。-嗨。 - Hi. - Hi.
为什么所有的女人都在这里 Why are all the women here
穿着容易接近的衣服? dressed in easy access garments?
这是普奇。婴儿。 This is Pucci. Baby.
那是老鼠，太妃糖和宾奇。 And that's Mousey, Toffee and Binky.
难道他们不感到羞耻吗? Do they have no shame?
我想回家。 I want to go home.
亲爱的娜妮，请不要离开。 Nani Jan, please don't leave.
还没有。这是…… Not yet. It's...
让她走吧。 Let her leave.
当恐龙离开时，至少我们都可以放松一下。 When dinosaurs leave, at least we all can relax.
很抱歉。 Sorry about this.
不要笑太多。 Not too much smiling.
现在聚会开始了。 Now the party starts.
把女孩钉在海报上 ♪ Pin up girl on that poster ♪
就像我是Doja Icey一样说出来 ♪ Say so like I'm Doja Icey ♪
♬老婆体型可口可乐♬ ♪ Wifey Body shape Coca-Cola ♪
我的生意里有了一个新男人 ♪ I got a new man in my business ♪
和他所有的事情♬ ♪ And he all about his business ♪
♬他的名字与你无关♬ ♪ And his name ain't none of your business ♪
伙计们，别喝醉了。 Oi, don't get drunk, fellas.
♬哦，宝贝，让他们知道，因为他们可以跑他们的嘴♬ ♪ Oh, baby, let them know 'Cause they can run they mouth ♪
噢! Ooh!
什么……这里面有什么吗?里面有什么? What... There's something in that? What's in that?
这是可口可乐。 It's Coke masala.
——马沙拉?-真的很好吃。 - Masala? - It's really good.
-太好吃了。 - It's so good.
——威士忌。-我的天啊。 - Whisky. - Oh, my God.
♬钱长得像海滩劳斯莱斯尖叫♬ ♪ Money long like beaches Rolls Royce screeching ♪
♬Rolex闪闪发光♬ ♪ Rolex gleaming ♪
让他们知道哦，宝贝，让他们知道♬ ♪ Let them know Oh, baby, let them know ♪
因为他们可以跑他们的嘴♬ ♪ 'Cause they can run they mouth ♪
-我这就过去。祝贺你。 - I'm gonna head over there. Congratulations.
有问题,有问题。 Selfie, selfie.
你看到Maymouna了吗? Have you seen Maymouna?
-我觉得她…-她来了。 - I think she was... - There she is.
她还是个金发女郎。 And she's a blonde.
Kaz !来了! Kaz! Come!
噢! Ooh!
Kaz,你……你还没见过我的朋友。 Kaz, you... You still haven't met my friend.
——Taqi。——啊。 - Taqi. - Ah.
拉合尔的发王。 Lahore's hair king.
呃，女王，亲爱的。 Er, queen, darling.
蜜月的亮点不是很漂亮吗? And don't the honeymoon highlights look fabulous, huh?
——不可思议。 - Amazing.
——嗯。-很高兴认识你。 - Mmm-hmm. - Nice to meet you.
-嗨。你好吗？——高。你好吗？ - Hi. How are you? - High. How are you?
他的意思是“你有多高?” He means, "How high are you?"
对不起。这是我的朋友，佐伊。我们是伦敦来的朋友。 Sorry. This is my friend, Zoe. We're friends from London.
-嗨。你想要一个吗?-嗨。 - Hi. You want a jay? - Hey.
哦,不。不,谢谢。 Oh, no. No, thanks.
拿一个。 Take one.
塔奇把所有的食物带到聚会上。总是这样。 Taqi brings all the treats to the party. Always.
亲爱的，我只是循规蹈矩。 Darling, I'm only following the rules.
《古兰经》说， The Quran says,
如果一个男人和另一个男人上床， if a man lies with another man,
-他应该被扔石头。 - he should be stoned.
明天结婚。 Married tomorrow.
-今晚罪恶?-我很好，谢谢。 - Sin tonight? - I'm good, thank you.
我的天啊。 Oh, my God.
我希望我不会叫你 chachhoo I hope I'm not gonna be calling you chachoo.
-什么是" chachhoo "? -意思是“叔叔”。 - What's "chachoo"? - It means "uncle".
我以为你们会更… I thought that you'd all be more...
更多的现代, More modern,
住在伦敦，你知道的。 living in London and all, you know.
但我是说，喂? But I mean, hello?
哦…… Oh...
最后。 Finally.
嗯。 Hmm.
——让我们……让我们跳舞。 - Let's... Let's dance.
-你来吗?-现在不行 - You coming? - Uh, not right now.
-你们去吧。玩得开心。——啊…… - You guys go. Have fun. - Aw...
我想我还是… I think I'm gonna just...
你想要什么? You want?
不，我要去跟…不过很高兴见到你们。 No, I'm gonna go and follow... Nice to meet you guys, though.
再见! Bye!
哇! Whoo!
她喜欢聚会。 She likes a party.
是的。 Yeah.
这可不是我父母想要的。 Not exactly what my parents had in mind.
我们该走了。 We should go.
你还好吗? Are you okay?
只是累了。 Just tired.
你确定可以 You're sure it's okay to
留下你自己的手写? leave your own mehndi?
没人会注意到的，相信我。 No-one's gonna notice, trust me.
<我> Chachoo。 Chachoo.
1秒。 One second.
哦,哇。我想给你看点东西。 Oh, wow. I wanna show you something.
- - - - - -。来了。——什么? - Come. Come. - What?
苏菲派的音乐。 Sufi music.
不,佐伊。只是听。只是听。他的…… No, Zoe. Just listen. Just listen. He's...
他在向上帝歌唱。 He's singing to God.
唱关于… Singing about a...
危险的爱。 dangerous love.
让他夜不能寐。 Keeps him awake at night.
你看到了什么? You see?
他要疯了。 He's going mad.
我告诉过你，佐伊。 I told you, Zoe.
爱情是一种危险的精神疾病。 Love is a dangerous mental illness.
怎么啦？ What?
我没有忘记。 I didn't forget it.
树屋。 The treehouse.
如果不是伊斯兰教， If it wasn't for Islam,
就不会有宗教改革 there would have been no Reformation.
-没有文艺复兴。-嗨。 - No Renaissance. - Hi.
没有牙刷。 No toothbrushes.
嗨。 Hi.
你好,每个人。真好笑，不是吗? Hello, everyone. That was a hoot, wasn't it?
吃点东西吗?-我没事。 Have something to eat? - I'm fine.
你们都去哪儿了? Where did you all go?
我在完善我的好莱坞， I was perfecting my Hollywood,
说多莉,宝莱坞, Dollywood, Bollywood,
我转过身，你们都不见了。 thingies, and I turned round, you'd all disappeared.
穆斯林还发明了什么? What else did Muslims invent?
算法。——自行车。 Algorithms. - Bicycles.
——咖啡。代数。——鸡? - Coffee. Algebra. - Chickens?
不,那是……-咖喱鸡? No, that's... - Chicken korma?
-第一架飞行器。——是的。 - The first flying machine. - Yes.
-是的，干得好。-没错! - Yes, well done. - That's right!
我自己也可以不用算法。 I could do without algorithms myself.
感谢上帝 Thank God
新娘昨晚没有参加舞会。 the bride didn't join the dancing last night.
哦，不，你… Oh, well, no, you...
不，她没有。 No, she didn't.
-你玩得很开心。-嗨。 - You enjoyed yourself. - Hi.
这很重要。 That's important.
你觉得我们能谈谈吗? Um, do you think we can talk?
下午5点整，nikah，大家，好吗? 5:00 p.m. sharp for the nikah, everybody, okay?
-我不确定…-不，我是说在镜头前。 - I'm not sure... - No, on camera, I mean.
几小时后你就要结婚了。 You're getting married in a few hours.
是的。 Yeah.
你感觉怎么样? How are you feeling?
感觉很好。 Feeling fine.
没有婚前紧张，或者…… No pre-wedding nerves, or...
不。 No.
我很好。 I'm all good.
你还完全同意吗? You're still fully signed up to this?
是的。 Yes.
这就是你想要的吗? And this is what you want?
是的，这就是我想要的。 Yes, this is what I want.
是这样吗，还是… Is that it, or...
你需要的东西都带齐了吗? Got everything you need?
卡兹，这太疯狂了。 Kaz, this is mad.
是什么……疯狂的是什么? What's... What's mad?
我只是… I just, um...
我只是…我觉得每个人都在假装。 I just... I feel like everyone's pretending.
-谁在假装?——呃…… - Who's pretending? - Er...
每一个人。 Everyone.
我是说，你就假装贾米拉不存在。 I mean, just you're pretending Jamila doesn't exist.
假装梅蒙娜不会跳舞。 Er, pretending Maymouna doesn't dance.
假装没人做爱!卡兹，你已经32岁了! Pretending no one has sex! Kaz, you're 32 years old!
你父母都不知道你抽烟。 And your parents don't even know you smoke.
我的天啊。我告诉过你。这是尊重，佐伊。 Oh, my God. I told you before. That's about respect, Zoe.
这不是你罪恶的面纱。 This is not a veil on your sins.
这是一件遮住你整个身份的伟大长袍。 This is a bloody great burka shrouding your whole identity.
你想要什么? What do you want?
我不想你嫁给一个你不爱的人。 I don't want you to marry someone you don't love.
人生苦短。 Life's too short.
而且嫁错人的时间太长了。 And too long to marry the wrong person.
你想要什么? What do you want for you?
这跟我无关。 Well, this isn't about me.
别为我担心。我很好。 Don't worry about me. I'm fine.
你一直质疑我的决定。 You keep questioning my decisions.
也许你应该关注自己的选择。 Maybe you should focus on your own choices.
这是什么意思? What is that supposed to mean?
也许这就是你没有另一半的原因 Maybe the reason you haven't got anyone
一起看电视连续剧 to watch a TV series with
是你主动地 is that you actively
找出谁错了。 search out anyone who is wrong.
我的天啊。这是扯淡。 Oh, my God. This is bullshit.
不，这不是胡扯。 No, it's not bullshit.
一个人可以戴着真正的红旗， A man could be wearing a literal red flag,
你会觉得他穿这颜色很性感。 and you'd think it was a sexy colour on him.
如果你约会的第一个人是个混蛋，那你就倒霉了。 If the first person you date is a dick, you're unlucky.
如果你接下来约会的十个人都是混蛋， If the next ten people you date are dicks,
那么也许你需要 then maybe you need
好好看看镜子里的自己， to take a long look at yourself in the mirror,
问问自己为什么。 and ask yourself why.
你还有吗 Have you got any more
深刻的心理学见解? profound psychological insights?
我有一个问题。 I have a question.
当你的目标放低却射偏时，会不会不那么疼? Does it hurt less when you aim low and miss?
嗯。 Huh.
小心些而已。 Be careful.
我没看见你，亲爱的娜妮。 I didn't see you, Nani Jan.
但你听到我说的了。 But you heard me.
别再伤我们的心了。 Don't break our hearts again.
同意了。 Agreed.
所有巴基斯坦新娘都会哭 All Pakistani brides always cry
当他们离开他们的家庭。 as they leave their family.
这是传统。 It's a tradition.
是不是很漂亮? Isn't it gorgeous?
我们可以有美女与野兽吗? Can we have Beauty And The Beast?
<我>是的。 Yes, please.
是的，你当然可以。 Yeah, of course you can.
那就来吧。 Come on, then.
——未来。 - Coming.
美女与野兽。 Beauty And The Beast.
好吧，野兽有他的缺点。 Well, Beast had his faults.
但是坚持是有回报的。 But persistence pays off.
他并没有把Beauty锁在地窖里。 He didn't actually lock Beauty in his cellar.
这就是关系 That's just what a relationship
feel like to Beauty. felt like to Beauty.
随着时间的推移<我>, Over time,
美女越来越喜欢野兽的陪伴。 Beauty grew to enjoy Beast's company.
<我>, You know,
他是可靠的，可获得的， he was dependable and available,
这些品质有很多可说的 and there's a lot to be said for those qualities.
野兽是她的梦中情人吗?没有。 Was the Beast her dream hunk? No.
他把她迷住了吗?没有。 Did he sweep her off her feet? No.
他让她无法呼吸了吗?也许不是。 Did he take her breath away? Perhaps not.
但是Beauty已经学会了 But Beauty had learnt
最好先小火煨，再煮。 that it's better to simmer, then boil.
你不需要成为一个素食主义者来做你的工作吗? Do you not have to be a vegan to do your job?
成为一名兽医。 To be a vet.
不，实际上，通常， No, actually, normally,
我只能吃东西 I'm only allowed to eat
我杀死的动物。 the animals I put down.
-我开玩笑的。 - I'm kidding.
我只是在开玩笑。我在开玩笑。 I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.
我… I'm...
太接近骨头了。 That's so close to the bone.
好了，还有人想要吗? Right, does anyone want anymore?
野兽是什么，孩子们， What the Beast was, kids,
已经足够好了。 was good enough.
有时, And sometimes,
足够好就是足够好。 good enough is good enough.
她爱上了野兽。 And she was in love with the Beast.
她喜欢他。 She was in like with him.
你说"喜欢"是什么意思? What do you mean, "in like"?
跟他在一起，这更重要。 In like with him, which is way more important.
——佐伊。-好多人。 - Zoe. - Great crowd.
嗯。是的。 Mmm. Yeah.
——多样化。蜱虫。 - Diverse. Tick.
——哦。灰色的英镑。——蜱虫。 - Ooh. Grey pound. - Tick.
事实上，这是我妈妈。 This is my mum, actually.
妈妈，这是奥利和山姆，他们委托制作这部电影。 Mum, this is Olly and Sam who commissioned the film.
哦,很重要。 Oh, important.
很高兴见到你。我在里面吗? So nice to meet you. Am I in it?
哦，你得等着瞧了。 Oh, you'll have to wait and see.
是的。 Yeah.
哦，那是詹姆斯。 Oh, that's James.
这是佐伊的男朋友。圣洁的。 This is Zoe's boyfriend. Saintly.
他是一名顶级兽医。 And he's a top vet.
不是吗? Aren't you?
哦，好吧，我不知道。 Oh, well, don't know about that.
英国顶级兽医? Britain's Top Vet?
开始吧。他们来了。 Here we go. Here they come.
领先的兽医竞争 Leading vets compete
在一系列的医疗挑战中。 in a range of medical challenges.
-打扰一下。原谅我。-詹姆斯，是的。 - Excuse me. Excuse me. - James, yes.
-好吧。 - Okay, yeah.
嗨。 Hi.
你好吗？ How are you?
好。 Good.
如何……婚后生活怎么样? How... How's married life?
我要安顿下来了。这是…… I'm getting settled. It's...
嗯。 Mmm-hmm.
-我听说你遇到了一个人。-算是吧。嗯… - I heard you met someone. - Kind of. Um...
是我妈妈做的。我以你为榜样。 My mum did. I followed your example.
-是的。不是个混蛋。 - So, yeah. Not a dick.
结果。 Result.
你快乐吗? Are you happy?
嗯。 Mmm-hmm.
你呢? And you?
是的。我快到了。 Yeah. I'm getting there.
好。 Good.
-嗨。-嗨，梅蒙娜。 - Hi. - Hi, Maymouna.
嗨。你好吗?你觉得伦敦怎么样? Hi. How are you doing? How are you enjoying London?
伦敦很好。 London is good.
她想家了。 She's missing home.
-这是很自然的。-当然。 - Which is only natural. - Of course.
但是，嘿，听着。嗯… But, hey, listen. Um...
关于这部电影。 About the film.
我只是…我想警告你。这是一个粗略的剪辑， I just... I wanted to warn you. It's a rough cut,
所以，这只是…还有…… so, it's just... There's still...
好吧,每个人。我们准备开球了。 Okay, everyone. We are ready to kick off.
-那么，佐伊，好吗? - So, Zoe, okay?
好吗? Shall we?
-祝你好运。-是的。谢谢。你,太。 - Good luck. - Yeah. Thanks. You, too.
你好。 Hello.
你好,每个人。嗯… Hi, everyone. Um...
哇，非常感谢你能来。谢谢你！ Wow, thank you so much for coming. Thank you.
我只是想说几句话 I just wanted to say a few words
关于我自己的旅程 about my own journey
拍这部电影。 making this film.
我曾经认为包办婚姻 So, I used to think that arranged marriages
这是疯狂、过时的想法吗? were this mad, out-dated idea.
当我的朋友兼邻居法鲁克有了一个， And, when my friend and neighbour, Farooq, had one,
我不敢相信他会幸福。 I couldn't believe he could ever be happy.
但我错了。 But I was wrong.
我错了。现在我想知道 I was wrong. Um, and now I wonder
作为一个有着曲折浪漫史的人… as someone with a slightly chequered romantic history...
-拜托不要起哄 - Oh, no heckling, please.
谢谢,妈妈。 Thanks, Mum.
现在我想知道是否有什么值得学习的 Now I wonder whether there is something to be learned
从一个提供见面机会的社会制度中 from a social system which offers the opportunity to meet
志趣相投, available, like-minded,
害怕承诺的男人 non-commitment phobic men, um,
由最了解你的人选择。 chosen by the person who knows you best.
我。喜欢我。 Me. Like me.
而且，你知道，可能介于两个极端之间 And also, you know, maybe between the two extremes
在强迫婚姻中别无选择， of no choice in forced marriages,
约会软件上的选择太多了…… and just too much choice on dating apps...
我一直在用约会软件。 I'm always on dating apps.
你知道的, You know,
也许在激情和实用主义之间， maybe somewhere between passion and pragmatism,
也许有一条通往幸福的路。 maybe there's a path to happy ever after.
<我>听天由命,听天由命。 Inshallah, inshallah.
<我>听天由命。 Inshallah.
好吧，我不废话了。 Um, okay, I'm gonna stop waffling now.
我说得太多了。 I'm talking way too much.
但我真的想对你说最衷心的感谢 But I do want to say just the biggest thank you
给卡兹和梅穆娜。 to Kaz and Maymouna.
非常非常感谢 Thank you so, so much
-允许我拍摄… - for allowing me to film...
…你走进了爱情。 ...you walking into love.
-呃，你好。-嗨。 - Er, hi. - Hi.
-好吧。我能拿走吗?-当然了。 - All right. Can I just take? - Yeah, of course.
欢呼。 Cheers.
这与在Tinder上使用过滤器有什么不同吗? Is it that different from using filters on your Tinder?
这不是真的在撒谎，对吧? It's not really lying, is it?
<我>, It's...
我们只是被告知要放 We're just told to put
——我们罪恶的面纱。哦。 - a veil on our sins. Ooh.
尼卡是神圣的婚姻契约。 Nikah is a sacred marriage contract.
根据伊斯兰教， According to Islam,
新娘和新郎必须两者兼顾 bride and groom must both
定义自己的条款和条件。 define their own terms and conditions.
夫妻双方平等享有离婚的权利。 Power of divorce is available to both partners equally.
Mahr 是一个令牌承诺 Mahr is a token commitment
丈夫的责任 of the husband's responsibility.
嗨。 Hi.
噢,嗨。 Oh, hi.
-怎么样了?-是的，很好。 - How's it going down? - Yeah, good.
我不敢回去。 I don't dare go back in.
——什么?——嗯? - What? - Huh?
你非常有才华。 You're super talented.
哦。 Oh.
啊! Ugh!
——佐伊。——嗯? - Zoe. - Mmm?
我们能谈谈吗? Can we talk?
这三个字之后没有什么好事发生，但是… Nothing good's ever come after those three words, but...
看起来…… Look...
你就是我的梦。 You're the dream.
如果我想到我会和你这样的人在一起， If I ever thought I'd end up with someone like you,
我就不会成为一个受折磨的少年。 I never would have been a tortured teenager.
哦。 Ooh.
你要么向我求婚，要么和我分手。 You're either proposing to me or breaking up with me.
我不知道是哪个。 I can't figure out which.
哦,狗屎。 Oh, shit.
我只是不想… I just don't want...
我不能做你的后备计划。 I just can't be your plan B.
-我想要更多。——不要…… - I want more than that. - Don't...
你在干什么?这很好。 What are you doing? This is fine.
好吧?一切都很顺利。 All right? This is going fine.
是的，但我不想要fine。 Yeah, but I don't want fine.
为什么? Why?
大家都喜欢fine! Everyone likes fine!
佐伊，你也不想要fine。 Zoe, you don't want fine either.
你怎么知道我想要什么? How do you know what I want?
-我该怎么跟我妈说?-哦，嗯… - What am I gonna tell my mum? - Oh, um...
告诉她我最后可能会 Tell her that I will probably end up
做你明智的第二任丈夫。 being your sensible second husband.
我是说，要么那样，要么我就嫁给那条狗。 Well, I mean, either that or I'll marry the dog.
这是毁灭性的。 It was devastating.
我觉得对我来说最糟糕的时刻是 I think the worst moment for me was
当我们有了漂亮的小女儿， when we had our beautiful little girl,
我意识到她永远不会认识她的祖父母。 and I realised that she would never know her grandparents.
我和我的妈妈有着如此特殊的关系。 I had such a special relationship with mine.
但我一直知道 But I always knew that
那将是我们在一起的代价。 that would be the price we'd pay to be together.
我,嗯…结婚前我确实读过《古兰经》 I, um... I did read the Quran before we got married
试着理解一下。 just to try and understand it a bit.
上面写着:“一对夫妻 It says, "A husband and wife
“彼此当像衣裳一样。” "should be like garments to each other.
"互相保护，互相取暖" "To protect and keep each other warm".
我们在结婚誓词里用过。 We used that in our wedding vows.
你有什么遗憾吗? Do you have any regrets?
我很后悔给我的家人带来了这么多痛苦。 I regret that I caused my family so much pain.
尤其是我的奶奶，我的奶奶。 Especially my nani jan, my grandmother.
我永远也忘不了我离开时她的脸。 I can never forget her face when I left.
<我>但我… But, I...
我不相信 I don't believe that
我们可以选择爱上谁。这是…… we choose who we fall in love with. It's...
它太强大了，我们无法控制。 It's too overwhelming to be in our control.
但即使这是我的选择而不是命运， But even if it had been a choice and not my kismet,
我还是会选择他。 I'd still have chosen him.
嘿。 Hey.
你在想什么，佐伊? What were you thinking, Zoe?
我信任你。 I trusted you.
我只是在做我的工作。 I was just doing my job.
你的工作不是羞辱我的家人 Your job isn't to humiliate my family
通过向全世界广播我们的问题。 by broadcasting our issues to the world.
我得把贾米拉也算进去。来吧。 I had to include Jamila. Come on.
拜托，这有什么丢人的? Please, why is that so humiliating?
47号…… Number 47...
49号。 number 49.
不同的大洲。 Different continents.
它是美丽的。 It was beautiful.
——Maymouna。 - Maymouna.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
佐伊，这有点残忍。 Zoe, that was a bit cruel.
你早该告诉我那身打扮让我看起来 You could have told me that outfit made me look
就像一堆脏衣服。 like a pile of dirty washing.
——哦!妈妈，现在不行!-在哪里…詹姆斯在哪儿? - Oh! Mum, not now! - Where's... Where's James?
他刚把我甩了。所以… He just dumped me. So...
佐伊，你又做了什么? Oh, Zoe, what have you done now?
哦,不!我以为他最终能解决问题。 Oh, no! I thought he was finally the solution.
哦!你听起来像希特勒! Oh! You sound like Hitler!
佐伊…… Zoe...
拜托，他是你选过的最好的一个。 Come on, he's the best one you've ever picked.
我没选他。你所做的。 I didn't pick him. You did.
我担心你最后会孤身一人。 I'm worried you're gonna end up alone.
你一个人。你看起来很好。 You're alone. You seem fine.
-那不一样…-是吗? - That's different... - Am I
当我没有和男人在一起的时候，我只是半个人? just half a person when I'm not with a man?
你是这么想的吗? Is that what you think?
我这样对你来说还不够吗? Am I just not enough for you as I am?
哦，亲爱的，这不公平。这不公平! Oh, darling, that's not fair. That's not fair!
-我做不到-我没有… - I can't do this. - I didn't...
佐伊。 Zoe.
你需要接电话吗? Do you need to get that?
你为什么不告诉我? Why didn't you tell me?
那么，我们现在该怎么办? So, what do we do now?
假装。 Pretend.
和其他人一样。 Like everyone else.
“假装”。 "Pretend".
<我>睡美人 Sleeping Beauty
<我>试图 tried to
假装成功。 fake it to make it.
她只是伤心。 She was just sad.
于是她就去睡觉了 And so she went to sleep
for 100 years. for 100 years.
白雪公主也很伤心。 Snow White was also sad.
她故意吃了一个毒苹果 She ate a poisoned apple on purpose
因为她很沮丧。 because she was depressed.
字面意思是 Which literally means
<我>“深度休息”。 "deep rest".
<我>, And...
没有人从此过上幸福的生活 No-one lived happily ever after
因为这在现实生活中是不会发生的。 because that never happens in real life.
-只在童话里。 - Only in fairy tales.
所以,是的, So, yeah,
如果我们看这里的部分… if we look at the section here...
你在这里做什么?所有好吗? What are you doing here? All good?
我不停地打电话，你从来不接我的电话。 I keep calling and calling, you never answer my phone.
所有好吗? All okay?
是的，一切都很好。 Yeah, everything's okay.
Maymouna怎么样?和… How's Maymouna? And...
你们俩过得怎么样? How are you both getting on?
一切都很好。 It's all fine.
Beta，需要时间来调整。 Beta, it takes time to adjust.
一开始对我来说也不容易。 It wasn't easy for me either at the start.
你父亲和我在第一个月几乎没说过话， Your father and I hardly spoke for the first month,
现在看看我们。 and now look at us.
对不起，< i>ammi，我是…要做的事太多了。我今天很忙。 Sorry, ammi, I'm... So much to do. I'm busy today.
好吧。 Okay.
所以明天开斋节再见了。 So I'll see you both for Eid tomorrow.
如果确认的话。 If it's confirmed.
我晚点打给你，好吗? I'll call you later, huh?
比如beta You know, beta,
为什么先知说， why the Prophet said,
"天堂在母亲的脚下"? "Paradise lies at the mother's feet"?
因为没有爱 Because there is no love
胜过母亲对孩子的爱。 greater than a mother's love for her child.
这就是为什么我们的祈祷是双倍的。 That's why our prayers are double.
你知道我每晚祈祷什么吗? You know what I pray for every night?
我为你的幸福祈祷。 I pray for your happiness.
还有我所有孩子的幸福。 And the happiness of all my children.
这才是最重要的。 That's all that matters.
你知道，我只是想做一个好儿子，ammi。 You know, I just wanna be a good son, ammi.
就是这样。 That's it.
留言请按2。 For your messages, press two.
收到，下午3:34 Received, 3:34 p.m.
<我>你好,佐伊。奥利和山姆在这里 Hi, Zoe. Olly and Sam here
来自Big Bull Productions. from Big Bull Productions.
你看，我们都喜欢这部电影， Look, we loved the doc,
但是我们有问题了，明白吗?白色的镜头。 but we've got a problem, okay? White lens.
是啊，多样的主题，很好。 Yeah, diverse subject, great.
白人导演，这不是很好。 White director, it's not so great.
对，我们需要点击pause Yeah, so, we're gonna have to hit pause
-在项目上，明白吗? - on the project, okay?
很明显，我们真的很抱歉。 We're really sorry, obviously.
<我>真的很抱歉。 <我>。 Really sorry. Obviously.
如果你想聊天的话给我们打电话。 And give us a call if you want a chat.
哦,狗屎。<我>——好的。再见。 Oh, shit. - Okay. Bye.
按2重复。 Press two to repeat.
你不应该留下你的内裤 You shouldn't leave your knickers
只是到处乱放而已。 just lying about on display.
我不明白。 I don't understand.
-你怎么打扮得这么隆重?-是Eid - Why are you all dressed up? - It's Eid.
我要去汗家。 I'm going to the Khans.
这很好。 That's good.
你想去吗? Do you want to come?
不，谢谢。 No, thank you.
我是最后一个人 I'm the last person
他们想看的东西。 that they wanna see.
不管怎样，我在收拾行李。 Anyway, I'm packing.
-你要去哪里?- - - - - -土耳其。 - Where are you going? - Turkey.
休息一下。 For a break.
因为每个人都讨厌我的电影。 Since everyone hated my film.
-我必须说… - I must just say...
我很佩服你的独立性。 I do admire your independence.
和我… And I...
你错了。 You're wrong.
你不跟男人在一起，我也不会看轻你。 I don't value you less when you're not with a man.
我为你所取得的成就感到非常非常自豪。 And I'm very, very proud of everything you've achieved.
但是… But...
但是，在“但是”之前什么都不重要。 But, nothing counts before the "but".
好吧,但是…… Well, but...
独立和独立是有区别的 There's a difference between independence
而且被切断了 and being so cut off
没人能接近你。 that no-one can get close to you.
我们都需要别人。即使是你。 We all need other people. Even you.
这不是弱点，佐伊。 There's no weakness in that, Zoe.
Zahid是对的。 Zahid's right.
孤独是一种西方疾病 Loneliness is a Western disease
它比癌症更致命。 and it's far more deadly than cancer.
唯一的治疗方法就是允许 The only cure is to allow
别人关心你，而不是… other people to care about you, and not...
不要总是把他们推开。 Not to always push them away.
他们说养育一个孩子需要一个村庄。 They say it takes a village to raise a child.
但是成年人呢? But what about the adults?
要我说一个成年人需要一个村庄的力量。 I'd say it takes a village to sustain an adult.
我很幸运 And I'm so lucky
找到了我的村庄 to have found my village
隔壁还有…… next door and...
我想要的一切 All I want
就是让你找到自己的，仅此而已。 is for you to find yours, that's all.
到这里来。 Come here.
-那就是你。-那是我的电话 - That was you then. - That was my phone.
被铃声拯救。 Saved by the bell.
-是卡兹寄来的-太好了。 - Oh, it's from Kaz. - That's nice.
我能吃块饼干吗?-是的。 Can I have a biscuit? - Yeah.
-我好看吗?-是啊，你看起来棒极了。 - Do I look nice? - Yeah, you look great.
你想…你想…吗? Do you wanna... Do you wanna...
<我>好吧,好吧。嗯… Okay, okay. Um...
<我>嗨。 Hi.
<我>呃… Uh...
我喜欢你的电影，Zoe。和… I loved your film, Zoe. And...
我很抱歉，如果这毁了你的结局， I'm sorry if this kind of ruins your ending,
<我>但是… but...
我觉得这样会更真实。 I think it's gonna make it more truthful.
<我>开斋节穆巴拉克。 Eid Mubarak.
去拿勺子。嗯… Just get the spoon. Uh...
不，不，等等，我去接…… No, no, wait, I'll get that...
-帮我切。-你想让我怎么做? - Help me cut. - What do you want me to do?
不，不，不是那样的! No, no, not like that!
一如既往地欢乐! So festive, as ever!
<我>开斋节穆巴拉克。 Eid Mubarak.
你看起来还是那么漂亮。 Don't you look gorgeous as always.
我给你带来了非常非常无聊的东西。 I've brought you something very, very boring.
-哦，你没必要。-嗯，佐伊来了。 - Oh, you needn't have. - And, erm, Zoe's here.
佐伊。 Zoe.
很抱歉不速之客 I'm sorry to gatecrash,
但我真的需要和卡兹谈谈，求你了。 but I really need to talk to Kaz, please.
你说得太多了 You've been talking quite a lot
给我所有的孩子。 to all my children lately.
Jalebis。 Jalebis.
我特地为你做的。 I made them especially for you.
好的，谢谢你。只是你在努力 Well, thank you. It's just you're trying
-让我得糖尿病。 - to give me diabetes.
我知道你是。 I know you are.
-我待会儿再吃。 - I'll eat it later.
你能不能把… Can you just get the...
嗯。 Mmm.
一切都好吗?大家都没事吧? How is everything? Everyone all right?
是的，很紧张。这是一件了不起的事。 Yeah, it's tense. That's quite a thing.
我是说，我不能…… I mean, I can't...
- Maymouna在哪里?-她不来了。 - Where's Maymouna? - She's not coming.
她不来是什么意思? What do you mean she's not coming?
-你好，亲爱的。<我>开斋节穆巴拉克。 - Happy Eid. - Hello, darling. Eid Mubarak. - Happy Eid.
你闻起来真香。 You smell lovely.
你还好吗?我刚看到你的邮件。 Are you okay? I just saw your email.
-我没事。——好的。 - I'm fine. - Okay.
我很高兴你来了。 I'm glad you're here.
Kazim。梅蒙娜怎么没来? Kazim. Why isn't Maymouna here?
她病了吗? Is she sick?
amy， Maymouna没病。 Ammi, Maymouna's not sick.
除非你把心碎称为一种疾病。 Unless you call heartbreak a sickness.
你是什么意思? What do you mean?
原来我们的婚姻更 Turns out our marriage was more
“坚持”而不是“协助”。 "insisted" than "assisted".
那不可能。 That's not possible.
他们是一个现代家庭。 They're a modern family.
婚礼上每个人都很开心。 Everybody was so happy at the wedding.
她现在在哪里? Where is she now?
她正在鼓足勇气 She is working up the courage to
告诉她父母我们离婚了。 tell her parents we're divorced.
离婚了吗? Divorced?
你是什么意思?就像…… What do you mean? Just like...
你只要说"我跟你离婚， All you have to say is, "I divorce you,
"我和你离婚，我和你离婚" "I divorce you, I divorce you".
哦,真的吗?我希望我们这里也有。 Oh, really? I wish we had that here.
Beta， triple talaq在巴基斯坦是被禁止的 Beta, triple talaq is banned in Pakistan
防止人们做出草率的决定。 to stop people from making rash decisions.
amy，这不是鲁莽。 Ammi, this isn't rash.
这是……Maymouna是……是…… It's... Maymouna was... is...
爱上别人了。 in love with someone else.
我们都不想再假装了。 Neither of us wants to pretend any more.
好吧，既然今天是 Okay, since it's a day for
重磅炸弹披露。 bombshell disclosures.
我想我们都需要 Um, I think we all need
试着更诚实一点。 to try and just be a bit more honest.
你最好都知道我抽烟。 You may as well all know that I smoke.
这对你很不好。 That's very bad for you.
我从15岁开始就这么做了。 And I have done since I was 15.
但你现在是医生了，所以不能在公共场合。 But you're a doctor now, so, not in public.
我不停地问自己， I kept asking myself,
“为什么这个成年人。 "Why is this grown man
“总是在那个树屋里吗?” "always up there in that treehouse?
“他以为自己是泰山吗?” "Does he think he is Tarzan?"
我有时也喝酒。 And I drink sometimes.
来点红酒，降低胆固醇。 Just some red wine for your cholesterol.
酒精有一些药用价值。 Alcohol has some medicinal value.
那我就放心了。 That's a relief.
显然，我从来没有碰过猪肉。 Obviously, I never ever touch pork.
当然不是。 Of course not.
你是穆斯林，嗯? You are Muslim, mmm?
好吧。但还有更重要的事。嗯… Okay. But there's something way more important. Um...
<我> Ammi… Ammi...
你总是说开斋节是家人团聚的日子。 You always say that Eid is about family coming together.
是的。 Yes.
如果说佐伊的电影向我们展示了一件事， And if Zoe's film has shown us one thing,
那就是…… it's that...
而是有一个重要的成员 it's that there's been an important member
我们的家人失踪太久了。 of our family missing for too long.
太长了，ammi jan Too long, ammi jan.
给我一点时间。 Just give me one second.
对不起。 Sorry.
<我>听天由命。 Inshallah.
她需要她的奶奶。 She needs her nani jan.
美丽。 Beautiful.
甜心。 Sweetheart.
Eid Mubarak， David， Eid Mubarak. Eid Mubarak, David, Eid Mubarak.
我需要我的nani jan And I need my nani jan.
纳尼扬。 Nani Jan.
请。 Please.
哦。 Oh.
佐伊去哪了? Where's Zoe gone?
她没说再见就走了吗? Is she gone already without saying goodbye?
我已经和她谈过了。 I've spoken to her about that.
她已经在去君士坦丁堡的路上了 She's halfway to Constantinople by now,
-我不奇怪。-等等，什么? - I shouldn't wonder. - Wait, what?
——她? - Kazim?
-你去哪儿了? - Where have you gone?
Oi,长发公主。 Oi, Rapunzel.
把你的头发放下来。 Let down your hair.
我很确定我就是童话里的女巫。 I'm pretty sure I'm the witch in this fairy tale.
嗨。 Hi.
轮到你了。 It's your turn.
是的。嗯… Yeah. Um...
我不能说话。 I can't speak.
好吧。对不起。嗯… Okay. Sorry. Um...
好吧。我要冒个险。 Okay. I'm gonna put myself on the line here.
继续。 Go on.
-这可不容易。-我知道。我知道。 - This isn't easy. - I know. I know.
我真的在高处 I'm really high up
-而且没有安全保障…——佐伊。 - and there's no safety... - Zoe.
你愿意和我一起看一整部电视剧吗? Would you like to watch a whole TV series with me?
你确定吗? Are you sure?
——嗯……-因为我们… - Mmm... - Because we...
我们应该非常…… We should take it very...
-慢慢来。-是的。 - You know, take it slowly. - Yeah.
是啊，一次一集。 Yeah, like an episode at a time.
-不要大吃大喝。-不要大吃大喝。 - No bingeing. - No bingeing.
只是请你这次别忘了。 Just please don't forget it this time.
我永远不会忘记。从来没有。 I never forgot. Never.
也许我们可以… And maybe we could just...
比如，我们可以在中途加个中断条款。 Like, we could have a break clause halfway through.
总是有中断从句。总是这样。 Always a break clause. Always.
——我……只是…——嗯。 - I... Just... - Hmm.
我们自己安排得再好不过了。 We couldn't have arranged it better ourselves.
<我> Mashallah ! Mashallah!
意思是“感谢上帝”。 That means, "Thank God".
amy jan总是说 Ammi jan always said
如果我们来这里就会发生这种事， this would happen if we came here,
他上的是一所男女混合大学。 and he went to a mixed university.
不能指望每次都能打出一个球。 Can't be expected to bowl a googly every time.
所以，我们搬出去了。 So, we moved out.
沿着这条路走到九号。 Only down the road to number nine.
除了，呃，我们叫它九又四分之三。 Except, er, we call it nine and three quarters.
哈利·波特! Harry Potter!
大卫开始了解这个家庭了。 David's getting to know the family.
他甚至在学习乌尔都语，这样他就能听懂纳尼·简了。 He's even learning Urdu so he can understand Nani Jan.
可怜的小斑马， Poor little zebra,
永远不知道她是什么颜色。 never knowing what colour she is.
这叫做混合遗产，亲爱的娜妮。 It's called mixed heritage, Nani Jan.
混合遗产吗? Mixed heritage?
我不知道你在期待什么。 I don't know what you were expecting.
我的头插在棍子上? My head on a stick?
我很好。 I'm fine.
我毕业了。 I am graduated.
我是人权律师。 I'm a human rights lawyer.
我的父母非常自豪。 And my parents are super proud.